'NaNiE- -hAnEE'

2011-11-26T21:23:00.002+08:00

Im feeling rather low today. Dont wish to share it with anyone.

So I guess this will be the only place for me to pour out everything.

Well, I feel lost. Totally lost.

I just dont know where, what and how should I begin with.

Im clueless about my own life and whats more his.

Ya Allah, Engkau berikanlah petunjukMu Ya Allah.

KepadaMu ku bermohon agar diberikan ketenangan di hati

yang sentiasa resah dan gelisah. :'(

2010-07-13T00:33:00.005+08:00

Why do I keep having these kind of feelings?
Eventhough I didnt want to.
Why must you make me feel this way?
Am i wrong to love you?
Despite knowing the fact that we both kind of living in two different world.
Why is it hard for me to even let you go?
I dont mind of your past, your lifestyle, your attitude
as long as you sincerely love me.
We've gone through so much challenges though we're only 6 months together.
I dont know whether HE just testing me
or to show that you're not the one for me.
Ive been rather emotional lately.
Having so much thoughts.
And I need you to be here with me.
I need a shoulder to cry on.
I need a listening ear to hear my problems.
I need your strength to stay strong. :(

2010-06-17T23:31:00.002+08:00

Even if I share this feelings to you,
I know you wont understand.
Thats the reason why I prefer to keep it deep inside
Cause I know you dont like it when I said something like that.
But thats what I feel.
Day by day, I kept thinking of it.
The more I dont wish to think about it,
the more Im disturbed by countless questions
that have been left unanswered.
But I dont wish to bother cause my heart keeps
telling me you that you telling the truth.
Can I trust my heart?
Ive been rather emotional lately.
I keep having a flashback memories of us for
the whole of 5 months that we've been together.
Our sadness, happiness, etc.
The memories that I could not forget
was when my heart hurts seeing at the condition you're in
when u met with an accident during our 1 month anny.
Since then I've made a promise to myself to take care of you.
When you couldnt eat, this hand will be there to feed you.
When you couldnt bath, this hand will wipe your body.
When you couldnt walk, this hand will hold and support you.
When you cry, this hand will wipe away your tears.
Tell me how can I ever go away.
Or how can I ever live without you.
Even you're beside me, Im still missing you.
Whats more when you're not here?
And when each time we meet,
only God knows how happy I am when I get to see you.
And when the day finally ends,
only God knows how sad I am to be apart from you.
How I wish I could have you right here for all the time Im missing you.
At times I never wished to be too deeply in love with you.
Cause I know Im weak when comes to hearts and feelings.
Each day i prayed in hoping that even if we're not meant to be,
I dont wish for either of our hearts to be hurt
cause I cant afford to hurt you.
All I wanted you to know is that I trust you.
Dont ever break that trust.
I love you.

2010-06-13T02:16:00.002+08:00

Trust.

Is trust a main priority in a relationship?

"The basis of most good relationships is trust.
If you cannot trust the other person,
then the relationship is never going to run very deep.
Building trust takes time especially
when one or both parties have been hurt in the past."

After all that has happened recently,
the truth was that I actually trusted him.
My heart says that he's telling me the truth.
I trust my heart too.
The only thing was that I told myself not to trust completely.
Cause Im scared, if things turn out to be not the way I expected it to be,
I know I would be hurt deeply.
For I know Im not strong to face all these over and over again.

At times I felt so guilty towards him.
Thinking negatively of him.
When I actually let out what I feel to him,
he always there to calm me down and make me feel at ease.
Felt really guilty when I look into his eyes.
How he actually makes me believe every word that he says.
I know what has happened recently really disturbed my mind.
But I tried to be strong like he always wanted me to be.
I dont know how to let out my feelings towards him.
I felt Im too deeply in love with him till at times
I tend to be a little emotional.
One whole day I waited for his call or msg but no response.
Indeed his silence really tortures the heart.
But I just hope he's fine out there. :(

2010-06-03T10:26:00.002+08:00

Its been a month since I last updated my blog.
No doubt that life is full of ups and down.
Unexpected things bound to happen but alhamdulillah
I manage to pull through with my love ones being there for me.
Been quite busy with work lately.
Schedules are totally packed till at times I had no time to meet anyone.
Hope friends are doing fine.
Congrats Zaf for getting a job.
Thanks Sha for being my colleague and lending a listening ear to all my probs.
And Nad! I havent meet u for quite some time.
Shall meet u up soon alright.
Alot of stories to exchange. =)
Something happened recently and I dont wish to share it here.
I dont wish to make the matter bigger.
All I could do is to just put it aside and pretend that it never happened.
For all I know, Im sure truth will surely be revealed one day
no matter how hard or how long u tried to hide it.
Allah itu Maha Adil.
What happened between us mungkin ade hikmah disebaliknya.
This is one of the test given to us.
Aku redha.

2010-04-21T21:10:00.002+08:00

Tiada niat di hati untuk menghukum dirimu.
Tiada niat di hati juga untuk menilai dirimu.
Kerana hanya dirimu yang ku inginkan sayang.

I felt so guilty.
Doing this to him.
My silence was not meant for him to go away from my life
but to just need space to heal my heart.
I failed.
Just one day of being silence and I cant help it but to keep on thinking of him.
What is he doing? Has he eaten? How's work? & everything.
I end up surrender myself.
I cant go on for too long.
Its torturing without having to hear his voice and all.
If ever time permits us to meet,
I would quickly run to him and hug him as tight as I could.
To share with him about my feelings and everything.
I felt secured, warm and calm whenever Im with him.
Whatever happens, I'll keep on staying.
I'll never leave him.
Cause I would rather being hurt by him than to hurt him.
I accept all this as a challenge in our relationship.

Andai cinta itu bukan milikku, aku relakan engkau pergi.
Jika engkau sememangnya sudak ditakdirkan untukku,
jangan biarkan aku ditinggal sepi.

Adakah engkau yakin bahawa cinta dan sayang ini hanya untukmu seorang?

I love you!

2010-03-27T00:08:00.000+08:00

Besties feeling rather down right now.
And all I could do is to lend a listening ear.
Ive been in that situation for so many times
and they're the ones who willing to hear my sorrows and feelings.
Its kinda hurt though cause somehow I could feel the way they feel.
And I cant bear to see them that way.
But I could only pray for their happiness.
& hopefully they are strong enough to face this TEST from Allah s.w.t.

As for me, Im just unsure of what Im feeling right now.
One moment im happy, another moment im sad.
Life is just too complicated.
At times we're happy, at times we're sad.
At times we crack jokes with each other,
At times we burst into laughter.
And I dont know why, each time when we're too happy,
at the end of the day, something seems to go wrong somewhere
which makes the heart a little sensitive over some issues.
Mood swing and there I go, wanting to be alone for a moment.
Ive been wondering and wondering.
But I dont know what Im thinking about.
Negative thoughts started to fill the mind,
keep haunting me day and night.

Was it that bad?
Is there still a hope for the past?
Where does another love given to?
Why does it finish so fast?
Why must it be negative?

Headache! Headache!
I wish for a peace of mind right now.
Can I?

2010-03-17T14:14:00.001+08:00

I kept thinking lately.
About my past, present and future.
Slowly erasing some old memories from my mind.
I feel like starting afresh.
When I'm reminded of the past,
I just cant seem to move on.
I guess its time to let go of the past.
From A to F to R to B to F to N.
Saying goodbye to old memories that left a deep cut in my heart long time ago.

Im sorry for having doubts about you
Im sorry for not being myself these days
Im sorry for keeping things from you
Im sorry for being angry at you
Im sorry to make you feel so bad
Im sorry to make you angry with me
Im sorry for everything

At times I just wanted to be alone.
Having some thoughts on everything.
I wonder, I wonder and I wonder.
At times I felt its unfair to him.
I cant seem to trust him completely when he do trust me 100%.
He never have any doubts about me but I do have on him.
Although he's angry with me, he do talk to me about it whereas I prefer to
keep myself in silence and kept him waited for my msg the whole day.
I feel so guilty towards him that at times I felt I wasnt good enough for him.
But nevetherless leaving him never had once come across my mind
cause despite everything,
I wanna go through every challenges ahead with him.
He makes me feel the love that I yearn for all these while.

He told me day by day I seemed to change.
Im not nanie that he once knew the first time we're together.
I choose to be in silence whenever I have some thoughts in my mind.
Not only about relationship, but about my path of life, work, etc.
I seldom share with him about my feelings, my thoughts.
Maybe thats the reason why he was worried.
There's some things that Ive been keeping to myself.
I wanted to share to him but I dont have the courage to let it all out to him.
I guess its time.
Since Ive made up my mind of letting go of the past,
maybe by sharing everything, it will make my heart at ease.
At least there's nothing to hide from him anymore.
This way, perhaps, enable me to move on. =))
I cant take it anymore. Haha!

Cheer up Nanie!!
& Zul, lets have that Ice Cream again at YTP!! ;P

2010-03-11T00:22:00.003+08:00

Time check 12.22am.
And here I am blogging.
Just couldnt sleep. Guess thinking too much about dearie.
Situations getting complicated.
We came from a different kind of life that at times it makes it hard for us
to understand each other.
Ive told myself from the very beginning that I will accept every flaws and strengths
in him when I accepted him in my life.
It tooks a lot of patience to go through all these.
And alhamdulillah up till now I manage to pull it through.
Love ones been asking me why do I always get involved with someone like him.
The only thing I told them was,
"Bukan nanie yang cari.
Tapi tuhan yang temukan nanie dengan zul mungkin ada hikmah disebaliknya.
& nanie tak pernah kesal mengenali diri dia."

I do feel hurt at times.
But I face it and think positively.
Remembering the times we spent together,
it gives me strength to move on.
Remember the times when he shared his feelings in the taxi while otw to CWP,
the first time he cried in front of me, etc,
I'll end up putting a smile and there I am, going back to normal.
I guess thats how I heal my broken heart. =')
Im tired of shedding tears.
I seriously am.
Enough about the past that hurts.
Like the saying goes, "Put away the photo albums and focus more on your future.
Nostalgia is so yesterday."

Few words to dearie.
Sorry for being angry at u.
Sorry if i make u feel so bad.
Your're not useless.
Dont ever think lowly of yourself.
The more you do, the more i feel so guilty.
I never think lowly of u.
Im here to help u as much as I can without asking anything in return.
You dont need to feel bad towards me.
Just remember in times of good or bad,
I will always here for u.
To go through every challenges ahead together.
I hope u would give me a chance to go through all these together with u.
Dont ever leave me behind by saying ure not good enough for me.
Cause u've done so much without u realizing it.
There's still a long way for us to go.
2 months has passed.
And I still wish to continue our journey till eternity.
Sarang Hae Yo! Zulkiflee Shah! =')

2010-03-09T00:16:00.003+08:00

School finally over.
And now its time to relax my mind for a little some time
before I start my next journey of life.
Im still confused over where should I go or what should I do now.

-Retaking English O Level
-Register for SPI
-Register for tuition
-Finding FT or PT job
-Taking driving license

Currently still continue working PT at takashimaya.
So many things to think about till at times I felt like going for a vacation
just to find some peace somewhere.
Situations pretty bad this month but Insyaallah I'll be able to stay on positively
with Zul, family and friends by my side. =))

At times I wonder, where are they when I need help?
How tight my situation is, they're not there to help me out.
Am I too kind to people that they felt its easy for them to step on my head?
They will only turn to me when they need me?
But when its my turn, they seems to run away.

Syg, Im sorry for being angry with u.
It hurts me deeply though.
At times I just wish to go faraway from you
but I know I cant.
Cause u once said, u may not be by my side,
but in my heart.Yes. U will always be here
Thats why no matter how far I go, U know u'll find me.
And yes. We will go through this together.
LOVE YOU ALWAYS TOO!!

2010-02-26T23:47:00.004+08:00

Just letting out my feelings.

I wonder.
Am I really feel jealous?
Or am I just thinking too much?
All along 'jealousy' wasnt in my dictionary of life.
Despite knowing the fact, why am I feeling so different?
Maybe I just think too much.
Was just about to chase all those negative thoughts away.
Or in fact, changing it to postive thoughts.
Thought today was the best time to give the card that
Ive been waiting all along to give.

But that call, somehow or rather, holding me back.

I decided to hold on to it.

I choose to take things lightly despite

having some thoughts running through my mind.

Adapting to a new life was never an easy task.

But I choose to stay.

Im just tired having to go through all these.

But its just part and parcel of life.

2 months together and everything seems fine.

Though at times there might be hiccups here and there,

been trying the best to stay positive.

Though there maybe at times when anger or sadness filled the heart,

being quiet was the best thing to do.

Remembering all those words that he once said,

and all the times that we have spent together

plays a part too helping to calm me down.

On 2202, first time ever I saw that tears in his eyes.

Flashback memories of how we first met, the days when

he sent and fetch me from work,

he let out his feelings,

we spent time together,

we celebrated our birthdays,

I took care of him,

and everything.

Just 2 months together, and we've been through alot of things.

And all that had happened, indeed brought us closer.

More to come in the future and I just hope we'll be able to pull through

every challenges or difficulties that come in our way.

Z.U.L.K.I.F.L.E.E S.H.A.H!

A special person that I wish to thank.

S.I.T.I N.U.R N.A.D.I.A.H

Thanks nad for everything especially today.

Never thought u would say that.

Im really blessed to have a bestfriend like you.

Thanks to Allah for giving me the chance to know you in my life.

2010-02-19T15:21:00.002+08:00

Been quite some time since I last update my blog.
Ive been asked to blog so thats explains today's entry. =P
He's recovering from his injuries. Alhamdulillah.
Somehow, all that has happened brought us even closer
when I had to spend most of my time taking care of him.
I appreciate and cherish every single moments I had with him.
All those laughter, tears and scoldings I get from him.
And all those words that he expressed to me, I'll never forget that.
Everythings went fine and I hope to stay like this forever.
If not for each other support, trust and understanding, we'd never come this far.
Thank you LOVE for everything.

Been worried about something.
Perhaps about my health.
Losing my appetite lately.
Whenever I try to eat something, I felt like vomiting.
My neck becoming bigger.
Felt a little breathless at times.
As though something stuck on my neck which I finds it irrits!
Ive been talking nonsense lately too.
Telling my sis that I wont live long, etc.
I myself dont know why I could say such a thing.
Feeling uneasy all the time though there's nothing to think or worry about.
Zul told me not to think too much but I just couldnt.
I dont even know whats on my mind actually.

I guess everythings ended.
Keeping all this from him was a mistake and now I manage to let out everything,
I felt a little relieve but guilt still surrounds me.
You went quiet and I guess I'll take it as though u're able to accept everything.
You've been trying to protect me all this while and I really appreciate that.
Your advise and everything has indeed change my life.
But Im sorry. We cant go on like this forever.
I have Zul in my life now.
And I dont want any misunderstanding between us.
Its time to let go of the past and focusing on my present and future.

2010-01-31T20:35:00.003+08:00

At 1 plus in the morning, I started to feel uneasy.
My whole body starts to shiver and my hand starts to tremble.
Never did I expect something bad would happen.
When he suddenly called and told me he could not meet me today
and that he was at hospital and there goes. The line just cut off.
This morning I was awaken by his call saying that he just discharged from hospital
cause he met with an accident.
One thing he told me was, not to cry when I saw his condition.
He took taxi and alighted at my place.
I was shocked. I stared at him.
Bad injuries, bandage, all over his body.
I went quiet the whole day, controlling my tears.
Cause I dont want to shed tears in front of him.
Despite in pain, he still afford to laugh and joke around.
Trying to cheer me up from being sad.
Im worried, scared till I couldnt say a single word.
Walk together to his house.
Bought some food and took care of him till 2 plus.
If not because of my mum, I wouldnt wanna leave him.
I wish I could be there when he needs me.
I dont deny that I actually cried when he was sleeping.
I stared at him, prayed for him, thats the most I could do.
And up till now, I still felt uneasy.
I just dont know why.
Will be rehearsing for CSB and FYP presentation tomorrow.
But all that has happened right now really makes me
had no mood to make any preparations just yet.
In my mind right now, its only him and nothing else. :'(

Just a few days of not meeting u makes me misses u so much.
Tell me how can I live and wait for you
if you were to go away from me one day syg.
I dont know how far we can go but one thing for sure,
I dont wanna lose you. :(

2010-01-31T02:00:00.001+08:00

300110

HAPPY 1 MONTH ANNY TO US!

Time flies and now we're already a month together.
Specially created this just for you.

Sayang,
Engkaulah yang satu
Tidak pernah ku terbayang
Akan hidup bersama denganmu

Sayang,
Ku biarkan hati ini dicuri
Tanpa keraguan
Ku relakan ia hanya untuk dikau miliki

Sayang,
Disaat bermulanya kisah kita
Tiada terlintas di fikiran dikau orangnya
Kita bertemu kerana ketentuan Ilahi
Sewaktu ku sedang merawat duka di hati

Sayang,
Dalam diam dikau menaruh hati
Pada insan yang serba kekurangan ini
Tidak ku sambut terlebih dahulu
Namun kesungguhanmu mengubah fikiranku

Sayang,
Katamu berhikmah
Hatimu tulus suci dan murni
Kerana itu ku sedia menerima
Cintamu ku sambut dengan seikhlas hati

Sayang,
Sebulan sudah ku bersamamu
Dikau hiasi hidupku dengan keikhlasan cintamu
Senyuman ini akan sentiasa ku ukirkan
Tanda bahagianya ku rasa disetiap pertemuan

Sayang,
Hanya kejujuran yang ku pinta
Sebagai kekuatan untuk kita terus bersama
Walaupon akan hadirnya gelombang cinta diantara kita
Dengan penuh keredhaan, kita kan pasti mencapai mahligai bahagia

*Im worried about you.
Where are you now, love? =(*

2010-01-27T13:17:00.007+08:00

25January2010

Finally get to meet Zul after 9 days of accumulating
the amount of misses I had towards him.
Gagaga. Macam paham!
It seems different.
We laugh alot and share things more.
If this way could make us feel happier,
should we do it more often? =)

26January2010

HAPPY 40TH BIRTHDAY IBU!

Schedule for February:

030210: FYP Presentation
040210: Working 17:30-22:00
050210: Working 17:30-22:00
060210: Working 13:30-22:00
070210: Working 09:30-17:30
080210: CSB Presentation
100210: MAB&WSNA Presentation
110210: MAB Test
130210: LRBE Assignment
160210: Working 09:30-17:30
180210: WSNA Test
200210: Working 13:30-21:30
210210: Working 09:30-17:30
240210: LRBE Exam
250210: Working 17:30-21:30
260210: Working 17:30-21:30
270210: Working 13:30-21:30
280210: Working 09:30-17:30
020310: MATH Exam
=.=

See how tight my schedule is for the month of feb.
Was thinking where should I go next?
I thought it through.
For now, after finishes poly I planned to
work full time, take driving license, retaking english o level
and to further my religious studies. Insyaallah.
Thats what I have in mind right now.
And next year, i'll continue my studies in UniSIM
taking Psychology with Business. =))
Insyaallah.

2010-01-21T00:24:00.008+08:00

Tweety has been my companion
whenever I started to miss Bf. Hahaha.
S.U.P.ER the R.A.N.D.O.M
Sungguh tak perlu eh nanie!! ;P

I love the way you make me so happy
And the ways you show you care.
I love the way you say, "I Love You,"
And the way you're always there.

2010-01-20T19:30:00.004+08:00

Celebrating birthday on 140110 with Bf, Family & Besties were great.
Thanks everyone for the presents, wishes, etc.
Well, been managing my time with projects, work and loved ones.
And I always delay certain things a day or 2.
Its hard to manage though but so far Im able to.
Alhamdulillah.

Went for appointment on my birthday itself.
Though my thyroid level has gone down but Im still having hyperthyroidism.
And doctor suggested that I should go for the radioiodine therapy.
Ive read up about it though. And get some feedback from Yati too.
And here's what she say,

"After radioiodine, you will be on long-term medication throughout ur life.
Alot of changes to ur body after the radioiodine as it deals with ur hormones.
Your body may show changes e.g you may feel weak coz there's lesser hormones in ur body
& there will be a period of time when ur body lacks of TSH
where you will experience muscle pain and if u dont tell ur doc abt it,
u can experience coma if ur TSH reaches its minimal level.
Thats when u need to start on long term-medication.

Procedure:
Doc will tell you to stop your current medication a week or so before radio therapy.
During radio therapy, they'll give you a "sip" of the iodine-131 in liquid form in a straw
and you need to "sip" it.
After radio therapy,you need to avoid crowded places and avoid getting near pregnant women and children below 6 yrs old cause you have radiation in ur body.
During two weeks after radio therapy, you need to practice hygiene.
After therapy u will feel like vomiting coz its like radio therapy for cancer patients.
It depends on how well ur body can cope but u must be mentally prepared
coz you'll be taking medicines for the rest of ur life.

Long-Term Side Effects:
Hypothyroidism - Underactive Thyroid.

Cost:
Cost is less than $300 depending on ur dosage."

Hows that sound to you?? Hmm.
I'll be facing all these soon. Subhanallah.

Some thoughts running on my mind right now.
Keeping everything inside seems hard.
But to share all these, I prefer not to.
Forget it. Probably due to stress. That's why.
Or perhaps other reasons? Hmm.

Anyway to my bestie,

HAPPY 20TH BIRTHDAY RASHIDIN! =))

2010-01-14T00:00:00.003+08:00

ITS 0000HRS!
SAD TO SAY,
HAPPY 20TH BIRTHDAY TO MYSELF :(

I cant believe Im T.W.E.N.T.Y years old.
Not a -teen but a -ty. Haha.
Not becoming old but just becoming more matured.
Thats what he says. Haha. :P

Just cant wait to meet Bf later.
Wwweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

Recently Ive been hearing this jiwe2 song while I was working.
And this song really stuck in my head at this moment.
So I shall dedicate this song to Bf. Ok?
If you want to hear the song, find it yourself in youtube.
Thankiu! Hahaha.

I Do Cherish You - 98 Degrees

All I am, all I'll be
Everything in this world
All that I'll ever need
Is in your eyes
Shining at me
When you smile I can feel
All my passion unfolding
Your hand brushes mine
And a thousand sensations
Seduce me 'cause I

I do cherish you
For the rest of my life
You don't have to think twice
I will love you still
From the depths of my soul
It's beyond my control
I've waited so long to say this to you
If you're asking do I love you this much
I do

In my world, before you
I lived outside my emotions
Didn't know where I was going
'Till that day I found you
How you opened my life
To a new paradise
In a world torn by change
Still with all my heart
'Till my dying day

2010-01-08T12:24:00.004+08:00

Others might be wondering how can I actually forget everything
in just a short time and began to accept someone new in my life.
Some might be thinking that I'm a playgirl.
A girl who likes to play with other people's feeling.
But they just doesnt know what exactly happens.

Even SHE thinks of me that way which makes me really upset
over what she said to me a couple of days ago.
It hurts me deeply cause she's my closest ones.
And if she already have that negative thoughts about me, then what about the rest?

Its been days since I last talked to her.
And I really missed her so much.
Her voice, her hug, her kisses, her smile, her laughter, her kecoh-ness.
Without hearing all those, makes my life empty.
Who else shall I turn to and share my feelings if not her?
Living in the same house but doesnt even talked to each other
makes me felt so awkward and uneasy.
Is it entirely my fault for things to happen this way?
Ive been meddling between work and school.
Plus I need to make time for family, friends and Bf.
Its just so hard.
If only there are more than 24 hours in a day,
this whole thing wouldnt be that complicated as it is now.
I just hope things would get back to normal. Insyaallah.

Been really tired this past few days.
Havent had enough sleep due to lots of projs to rush here and there.
Projects are due soon.
Exams are coming.
Im so stressed up.
But so far Ive been managing well.
Thats when I have to force myself to stay up a little late at times.
I gain motivation and strength from Zul each time I met him.
Without him realised it.
Thanks to Besties too for helping me out with my projs. =)

Having bad migrane this past few days.
And Ive been skipping medicine almost everyday.
Sure will get scoldings from Dr Tham this coming thursday.
Anw, 6 more days left to dotdotdot. =P

Sometimes its just unfair to him.
At times I just felt like letting him go.
I keep reminding myself not to expect anything in this relationship.
And if ever he finds someone who can make him happy, Im willing to let him go.
Cause I know I cant make him happy.
There's so many difference in us.
I know he tries his best to adapt to my life.
Sometimes I just pity him.
I felt so guilty when I see his face.
I could sense how much he has done for me.
I will try to be there whenever he needs me.
First time I found someone who loves me more than I love him.
I dont know how far our relationship can go.
But insyaallah, we can make it far
as long as we are sincere and honest with each other.
ILY Zul!
Yes I do.

2010-01-01T03:07:00.007+08:00

Flashback memories for 2009

2 months with A.
Painful moments I should say.
2 months of waiting but in the end it hurts so much.

Having high fever and bad migrane while having
bdae celebration over at bestie's house.

Attachment at Changi Airport is still a nightmare to me.
Plus grandma passed away.

The starting of FYP.

7 months with Snoring.
4 months of pretending nothing has ever happened.

Met new people.
MOZ, Black and new workmates.
Great moments together.
Never forget all those advices and motivation. =)

When 2009 was about to end,
things have been rather complicated
with the presence of 3 guys in my life lately.
But alhamdulillah things getting better.
At least for now.
And there's 1 thing left for me to do.
I dont have the courage to do anything just yet.
But whatever it is, sooner or later I still have to face it.
Hopefully things will be just fine. Insyaallah.

To share everything of whats going on lately
will be quite a long post for me to type here. =)
Thus I prefer not to.
Or maybe I'll make in into a few series. :P
Wait for my next post. =)

2009 may seems to leave me with sadness and painful memories
but at the same time
I ended 2009 with a new life. =)

301209

Spent new year eve with Bf plus Nad & Al-fee
for double date dinner at Adam Rd after work.
Went to West Mall & play games at Time Zone
before headed back home. =)

Its only 1 month knowing you
And I never thought you would be the one
You've done alot for me.
Though its hard to change the old you
But you try your best
I never expect you to do this
Cause I dont want you to be so good to me
We never know whats ahead of us
I might hurt you in the end
But you choose to think positively
We may be in two different world
But you choose to take the risk
in wanting me to be part of you life
You bring happiness in my life and I really appreciate it.
Hoping to go far with you. Insyaallah.
ILYSM! =)

2009-12-14T20:17:00.003+08:00

Everything's ended on 121209.
Move on.

2009-12-02T22:03:00.002+08:00

To my lil sister here.
Happy 6th Birthday Siti Raihanah!

The day before she keep counting down for her birthday.
And asking each of us to buy her a birthday cake.
Ended up Dad bought for her.
Cause I already declared myself 'bankrupt' la.
Haha. Never bought her any present.
Wait till I get my pay alright? =)

2009-11-07T02:40:00.005+08:00

22 Oct 09.
Having 4 hours of Mathematics.
Its been years since I last took Mathematics.
Should I say almost 2 years? =))
Super happy.

I went for appointment at SGH.
Good news was that my thyroid level actually went down.
Which I dont even know why (e fact that I skip eating medicine alot of times)
But Alhamdulillah.
And I actually lost 3kg which I also dont know why. Lols.

Met my Mr Snoring over at his house at 5pm.
First thing he saw me, he said, "Hey mok! Da kurus seh." =.=
His dad was in too.
Have a talk with his dad while waiting for him to get ready.
Snoring keep asking me to eat before we go off.
His dad cook Sambal Sardine. Super Spicy!
He treated me like his maid at that point of time.
Just testing whether or not I know how to wash the dishes and everything.
He was indecisive over what shirt to wear.
Ended up asking me to iron his grey shirt. =.=
Soon we off to submit his appeal letter and documents
for his admission into University at Orchard.
Then we headed off to Bukit Panjang Plaza to survey some stuff at Harvey Norman
before heading home.

We took taxi since he was very tired and sleepy already.
Had a great chat with him and of course not forgetting his nags and advises
about studies, life and everything.
While boarding the taxi, I actually went quiet.
He was there staring at me.

He: Nanti confirm nangis. *Making cry faces*
Me: Diam uh.

So bad of him. Just because I cried before when I told him I miss him.
The truth is, masih belum terubat tau rindu. Sedih2 :(
He told me he had a good talk with the taxi driver.
The uncle says im a decent girl and ask him why he doesnt want to send me all the way up.
Snoring says this, "Dont want la. I dont pampered my gf." =.=
The uncle so kind that he actually wait till I took the lift then they went off.
Snoring says, "He praise you alot you know. As if he wants you to be his gf."
Haha. Well, at least he's so thoughtful not like you Snoring! Lols.
Thats the end of the day.

01 Nov 09.
Last sunday went family outing at esplanade.
I'll just post up pictures alright.

Last but not least, had a great laugh when u see the photos below!!
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

-------------------------------------------------

3 loved ones been looking for me.
My 2 besties and Mr Snoring.
Phrase for the day.
"Nothing is Impossible"
Shall not elaborate further.
Its private and confidential okok??
Had a great chat with Snoring on the phone as well as msn.
Today convo was more to confessions of our hearts and feelings.
He on his webcam.
Not mine of course cause school laptops just dont have webcam.
Haha. So I could only view his and I secretly managed to print screen this.
=))

Nyata bila kini aku sedar,
Ku merindu bayanganmu.

2009-10-21T12:05:00.003+08:00

Salam. =))
Im putting a big smile today.
Only god knows how happy I am.
Cause why??
I'll be meeting my Mr Snoring tomorrow!
Im so looking forward for tomorrow to come.
Sure wondering whats there to be happy about?!
Well, like finally get to meet him after more than 2 months of not seeing each other.
And2 I almost forgot how he looks like ok??
Haha. Well, thats how our relationship goes.
I guess its better this way.
Yes?? No?? Haha.
Well, its up to individuals though.

Things going on well between us.
Though we neither meet nor spend time together.
With his messages and calls already enough to brighten up my day.
Ive been trying to focus on my studies, FYP and work
like how he wanted me to.
And I actually cried when he says this.

"So far you have been focusing and thats good.
You never once makes me worry or angry at you.
Ive been independent since I was young.
I planned for my future and took every opportunity and risk that comes along my way.
Im like walking in a thin path which I have to be focused all the time.
Once I stay out of focused, that's when Im going to drown in a deep sea.
No ones going to help me out. And now you're my closest ones.
I know Ive been troubling you alot. Who shall I turn to if not you?
Would you rather want me to go to my friends or you?
I know you have done a lot for me cause I want you to know how my life goes.
Thanks for trying your best to understand and support me.
All I want is for you to be proud of me."

He teaches me alot of things.
And I dont feel regret having to go through all this with him.
Though there's still doubts that up till now been questioning my mind.
Which I guess I have to put it on hold. Cheeyy2 on hold sehhh. Haha.
He keep asking me to focus on my priorities rather than crying just because I miss him badly
like what I did a couple of days ago.
Haha. Been hearing lectures from him about life and stuff.
Its another great experience though.

I guess I end here for the moment.
Will continue blogging during my free time.
Heh heh.
22 Oct 09! Faster come! =))

2009-10-15T00:32:00.002+08:00

Just a short one will do and Im off to dreamland ok?
Long time never update as Im quite busy with work lately.
Well, school reopens next week.
And Im so not looking forward to it.
FYP! FYP!
Final rounds. Final semester. Final exams.
Graduating in a few months time. Ohh nooo!
Have yet to plan where to go after Poly.
Where should I go? (?_?)

Better take a nap now.
Working FULL later on.
Nytes Friends.
Nytes Dear Snoring.
Nytes Everyone.

*Dear, IMUSM!*

2009-09-28T14:50:00.007+08:00

All alone at home right now.
As mother went raya with all the makciks2.
Simply nothing and no mood to do anything right now.

Oh wells,
Having off yesterday but just spent the whole day rotting at home.
Yesterday funny things happened.
I was madly in love with this Hari Raya song, Bergema Takbir by 4U2C.
At the same time, while watching Salam Lebaran 2009,
this song were sang by Ezad, Adi Putra and Syed Azmir.
Aku dengan semangat ikut sekali uhh kan nyanyi lagu tu.
Sampai tangan2 aku semua naik2,
sekali ada orang ucapkan salam uh.
Rupenye makcik aku uhh datang beraya.
Haha. U never know how the malu I was at that point of time.
Somemore 3 hansem guys were there too.
Alahai. Malu sehh guey.

I was msging MOZ late night till I fell asleep while msging.
I was awake by his another msg, "Good night n sweet dreams to u."
I knew I was typing something and manage to send it before I started to doze off again.
Just a few minutes ago, I went to delete my send messages
when I read the last msg I send him.
I had a great laugh at the message that I send him.
Guess what I reply? Dont laughh okk?? :P
"Selamat Hari Raya to u uon(too). Im off to sleep alrsdy."
Hahaha. Kekek pe sehh.
I was using dictionary all these while, thats explain all those weird2 spelling.
This is what happen when U were half dead but still have the cheeks to reply to people msges.
Haha. Nyanyok sehh nanie.
Malu nyeeeee!
Ok stop it! Dont laugh! =P

Yesterday fatty snoring calling me.
2 task for me to do right now.
And Im soooo not in the mood to do them at this moment.
He wants me to find out how many syllabus covered for e math o lvl next yr
cause he wants to retake eng n math o lvl next yr
and so I'll be tutoring him for math.
Ive to plan on how many days needed to cover 1 syllabus.
Next task was, he wants me to jot down in details about my future.
What I want to do after graduation, what job, expected salary, expenses and everthing.
Oh Nooooo! >.<

I felt uneasy after Maghrib that I decided to go out for awhile.
Walking around Bukit Panjang area just to relax my mind.
Bringing Nana along with me.
At that point of time I just wish I could go to Changi Park to play the swing over there.
If not because of MOZ who brings me to Changi Park,
I wouldnt know that swing still 'exist'. =P

We seems becoming even closer and closer.
But it seems like there's something lacking between us.
Is it Love? Trust?
There's this weird feeling when you mention something like that.
Am I jealous?
Have I realy fall in love with you?
Even though my heart keeps denying and not having hopes on you?

I love you, Mr Snoring. <3

2009-09-24T23:45:00.002+08:00

UPDATES!

1st DAY RAYA

My family went out for raya only at 6 plus.
Went to my late grandma's sis house.
Not so much of a huuu haaa thingy this raya.
Everything seems different eversince my grandma passed away.
Simply said, this raya was kind of a plain one though.
Went to only 2 houses.
2nd house we went to was my mum's brother.
His house sure filled with all those huuu haaa noises.
Especially now having football matches.
My pakcik is so enthu with Man Utd.
Usually the young ones would make the loudest remark
But in his house, he was the most loudest and enthu ones
instead of my cousins who were there watching as well.
Simply said, its kecoh-rable uhh. =))

2nd DAY RAYA

Went to 6 houses.
Nothing much to talked about.
Last house when to my aunt house at Yew Tee.
There, we watched Kuntilanak 3 at Sensasi till 12am.
As usual, my sis will be the 1st person to run far2 away from the tv. Haha.

*Just 2 days n 2 of my pakciks been making these same remarks
"Why this year, the younger sister gain weight but the elder sister looks slimmer?
Urrggghh! One mission have yet to accomplish --> Lose weight!
Anyhoots, I SIMPLY LAZY TO UPLOAD PICS. ^.^

I hate it! I hate it!
I guess no raya outings with friends this year.
Simply because Ive to meddle between work and FYP.
Tsk Tsk. Super the sedih. :'(
Both need me urgently.
And I had no choice but to sacrifice my time for the important ones.
Will be working straight till school reopens.
And I only have 3 days off before school starts. >.<
U all might just go raya outings without me then.
I'll update on my schedule for the month of Oct soon.
Who knows if you still want a raya outing,
u might selit me in any timeslot yang u think boleh diselitkan.
What am I talking? Ok whatever.
So yah. Will update again soon. =))

I miss you Bestie Nad.
Will be meeting you later soon! =))

And lastly to Mr Snoring,
Im proud of him the same way he do. I admire his self-driven and self-motivation.
Having 3 jobs are tough but since he convinced me he can handle it,
I'll continue to support him.
Missing him right now as 1 month plus we didnt met.
I was hoping we could spent time with each other more often.
No one knows when. If gods willing, we'll able to meet. =)
Just have to be patient. :)
*When I need you, I'll just have to close my eyes, imagine that you are here right beside me.

2009-09-19T22:09:00.004+08:00

Just to let out.

At times I realised I wasnt ready for this r/s.
At times I felt he wasnt the right one for me.
I never had any hopes or dreams when being with him
I never asked for this r/s in the first place.
But why am I torturing myself to just go with the flow?
I might be crazy to even torture myself with all these.
I was wondering how would it be like to be hurt once again.
Its been a long time since I once faced all those hurtful moments.
How hurtful would it be this time round if the r/s fails?
I tried to trust him but I just couldn't.
There's still doubts in him which I dont even know the reasons why.
Never did I once controlled him nor get mad at him for any wrongs.
Neither do I questioned him for something that I get to know long time ago.
Though I really wanted to know the truth from his mouth himself.
Scared that misunderstanding occur that I chose to keep everything deep inside.
No matter how he convinced me, I would never be able to trust him.
We never seems like other couples.
We never met nor contact each other that often.
We seldom joke around nor share our feelings.
I know our love is not that strong as compared to his love towards his ex or maybe his timer.
I dont wanna jump into conclusion in saying all these cause Ive yet to know the truth.
I was hoping he would be sincere enough to tell me something.
Something that's always been questioning my mind.
Who is she to you?
And who am I to you?
I had these feeling that he wasnt the right one for me.
But I chose to stay and be with him.
Cause why, besides his weaknesses, there's still strengths in him.
He would share everything with me.
Whenever he's happy, sad, angry, he would call me up.
And I appreciate that. At least im still in his thoughts.
He's been my motivator who never fails to motivate me to study.
He's an advisor who always advise me on studies, life and love.
He never fails to share for something that he had experience before or learned.
At times he would share his feelings, cracked jokes and calm me down whenever Im feeling down.
Despite everything, I just feel I couldnt let him go.
I'll leave everything for HIM to decide.
Let fate decide everything.
I dont have the right to stop him from doing anything.
Though Ive yet to feel the love from him.
Ive yet to trust him.
Ive yet to accept him fully in my life,
What I know I just couldnt bear to let him go.

Its all because I started to love him even more each day.

2009-09-18T22:16:00.003+08:00

Just wanna wish all muslims,
Salam Aidilfitri!
Maaf Zahir Batin!

Mr Snoring, I miss you!
Congratulations my dear =))

2009-08-31T01:35:00.002+08:00

Its 1 plus already and I still have yet to sleep.
Its been weeks to since I last blog.
Well, 100% confirmed!
No one would read this blog. :P
Well, working just now till 6.30pm
Break fast with MOZ.
He simply so the 'rajin' to come all the way to taka
eventhough he had sore eyes.
Break fast at KFC. CHEESEFRIES!
He never even tell me he brought along kebab, putu piring and putu mayam.
If I knew earlier we would just break fast with whatever he brings.
Crazy MOZG!
Thats one thing. Another thing,
since he treat me to KFC, he wants to treat my family la pulak.
So he insist of buying satay for my family.
So many food to bring home.
I tell you, he's crazy. MOZG la katekan. :P

Mr Snoring has been stressed up with finding jobs.
And at times I feel I couldnt be of much help to him.
All I can do is to give him support cause I guess thats
what he needs the most.
Im able to understand him.
And I respect every decision that he take.
He feels he's a failure but to me he never was.
I have faith in him the same way he do.
And Insyaallah, as long as he never give up,
there's surely a way for him to reach his goals.
All I can do now is to pray for him.
Though at times I yearn for a love from him
which I admit I never feel the love from him before
eversince we were together.
But Im willing to put all that aside cause I know
I cant be too selfish to think about my own wants.
We lack of communication.
We never meet each other often
or even contacting one another.
But I didnt make a big fuss over it
cause I understand his situation.

Sister once said, I actually yearn for a love from someone
but the only person I want it was only from Mr Snoring.
Bestie once said, I should find someone who can spend more time with me
and shower me with love that I always wanted.
Owl once said, If I really love him, do something to save our relationship
but If I dont, talk things out in a peaceful way.
MOZ once said, whatever I am thinking, If I cant get the answer alone,
try asking others n who knows they might have the answer to my qns.

All these kept lingering in my mind.
Though I dont wish to think about it.
Cause I dont know and there's nothing I could do at this moment.
My mind is blank. Im just confused.

2009-08-16T16:20:00.001+08:00

I guess its gonna be a super long post for today.
So whats happening last week and this week?
Lets see. Ermm.
Outings? Presentation?

07 Aug 09
Went out with Zorro.
Exploring Orchard area.
Eat at LJS.
Sharing session at Tasik via Bukit Panjang Park.

09 Aug 09
National Day
Went out with Zorro.
Exploring Changi Park.
Eating Roti John & Satay.
Spooky.
Sit nearby the sea.

10 Aug 09
Kenduri at Wak Pah's house.
Sleeping.
Eating.

12 Aug 09
ERP Presentation.
(?.?) When asking to create PO.
Done with ERP Presentation.
Working.
Whole night never sleep. =.=
Accompanied by Zorro.

13 Aug 09
PM Presentation.
Screw up during Q&A session.
Done with PM Presentation.
Cried.
Went out with Sha.
Eating Fried Cockle Kway Teow at Banquet.
Lepak-ing at Saujana Court with Sha & Zul.
Whole night never sleep. =.=

14 Aug 09
SAD Presentation.
Fine.
Done with SAD Presentation.
Went out with Nir Ayim.

Well, thats what happened during the past few days.
Since yesterday I had this feeling of uneasiness.
I dont know what is it.
Zorro and Ketot keep asking me to share with them.
But how am I gonna share with I dont even know what is it.
Maybe because of my Mr Snoring?

Met up with my Mr Snoring on friday.
Its a great day spending time with him.
After 1 month plus didnt get to meet him
cause he kind of busy with work and stress up finding jobs.
Suppose to meet him after friday prayers at Aljunied.
But he reached at 1445.
Spend time with him till 6 plus.
Then we headed to Kovan cause he wanted to register for car license.
While waiting for the registration,
he went to smoke.
Aat the same time he told me,
he left with 3 weeks beofre his ns finish.
And that he still have not find jobs.
Thus, no income for next month onwards.
He told he he doesnt contact me cause he feels he's a failure.
He couldnt find a job at the moment
and that he cant be thinking of love at the moment.
My face change when I heard that.
And there goes, he said,
"Muke u eh. Ibaratkan bola, mintak kene tendang eh."
Haha. He said I get emo easily.
Aand yes. Its true especially when it cmes to relationship.
I cant deny that seriously.

After registration, we went to Hougang Interchange.
Where we heading? Home la. Haha.
He apologized to me for not able to send me back home.
Along the way he made me laugh by singing
'Cari Jodoh by Wali Band' =)
We waited for bus 161.
Soon when the bus arrived, I dont wanna board it.

Mr Ayim : Why u dont wanna board the bus? Miss me eh?
Ala. No need to be shy la.
Ms Nanie : *smile*
Mr Ayim : Dear, take care of yourself ok when going back home.

Happy when finally get to meet him.
But sadness comes when we're about to go our different ways.
How I wish I could spend more time with him.
I watched him sleeping so soundly.
Many questions filled my mind.
How I wish I could share everything to him.
We seems difficult to trust each other.
But I just hope whatever he said
is sincerely expressed from the bottom of his heart,
same goes as me.
I'll pray hoping he's the last one for me.
Insyaallah.
Lets fate decide.

Coming next week??
Mon(17 Aug 09) -> SAD Test
Wed(19 Aug 09) -> ERP Test, Working
Thurs(20 Aug 09) -> PM Test
Sat(22 Aug 09) -> Fasting
Sun(23 Aug 09) -> Working

2009-08-10T22:20:00.001+08:00

Happy 3 months to Nir Ayim. =))
Everythings fine now.
At least for this moment.
*Winks*

Nanie loves Nir. :P

2009-08-02T22:46:00.000+08:00

Had a great day today though I could only enjoy it for like 2 hrs?
Went out with zorro and two of his cousins.
Shahira n Hadi.
First time ever I went out with a group of people that is older than me.
Went to eat at Cheese Prata at West Coast.
Then we went to Kentridge to chill for awhile.
If I never work just now,
I would be able to stay a lil late with them.
Cause seriously right now I need to relax my mind.
Going out with them makes me forget about my troubles 4 awhile.
As usual Im the quiet one.
But I never felt so bored having to listen to their convo.
Thanks to them for making me smile.

Its been a week plus and he still hasnt contact me.
Its really distracting me
and whatever I do either at school, home or work,
things doesnt seems right.
I daydreaming most of the time.
And I did cry too when Im at work.
I tried to be strong and stay positive
but each time when I think of what he did,
it reminds me of the past.
History seems to repeat again for the 3rd time.
3 times I had to go through the same thing.
When will it ends?
My sis said maybe I never told him about what Ive gone through last time
thats why he did this.
But I just cant. I mean, how can I share with him
when he's not here.
Not here when I need himt the most.

How I wish I never accepted him.
How I wish I never had this feeling of love inside me.
How I wish I never met any guy who can unlock my heart.
How I wish he knows what I feel right now.
How I wish I could go far away from here.

How I wish.............

Its hurtful. Yes it is.

2009-07-31T22:03:00.001+08:00

I just feel like taking a stroll at any park.
Or perhaps at the lake near my house
where I usually sit there to relax myself.
My head hurts almost everyday.
Ive been thinking alot lately.
With all problems from school, friends
and not forgetting, Bf.
I really miss him.
Its been 1 week since I last heard from him.
Eversince he went to Melaka,
he didnt even msg me when he's back.
Im trying to control myself
not to disturb him for this moment.
Maybe he needs time to be alone.
I blocked him.
I stay away from him.
I never msg him like I did last time.
I didnt look for him.
And all these really tortures me indeed.
But I cant do anything right now.

I just hope history never repeat itself again.
It has happen to me for 2 times and I dont want this to be
the 3rd time I went through these.
Its really hurtful.
But I guess, its already written that I have to go through
this hardship.
I will patiently wait for him to come back.
I just need to keep myself busy
so that I wont think of him.
Too much tears shedding and I dont wanna make it a habit.
And ketot told me not to be so stupid to think that way.
I have to have confidence in myself that what had happened before
doesnt mean the same thing will happen right now.
But how can when it happen for 2 times already.
And its the same experiences that im facing right now,
at this very moment.
Tell me how can I not think that
this will happen to me for the 3rd time?
Im confused.

2009-07-27T00:20:00.003+08:00

Finally Im done with MM.
Took quite some time to finish it up.
But Alhamdulillah. At last, done.

Well, I guess Bf is back.
Just that he didnt informed me.
Kept me waiting and waiting.
Sometimes I just feel what he did to me right now,
reminds me of the past.
When I have to wait and wait for that someone,
but ended up leaving me just like that.
I seriously dont mind.
If he were to come to me and said
he dont like me anymore or anything.
At least I know the answer and I will leave.
Dont torture my heart by just walking away.
Thousands of questions will keep lingering in my mind.
Please, at least, make my mind feel at ease.
Maybe you need time to be alone.
Im fine with that.
But whatever it is, ILU.
And I'll always do.
Its been a month plus since I last saw him.
I wish we could spend time together one day.
I hoping for that day to come.

At this moment, I feel like going far away from here.

To bestie,
stay strong alright.
U will find ur happiness one day.
U will and Im very sure.

2009-07-26T00:15:00.002+08:00

I dont know whats happening to me today.
Simply, I have no mood to do anything.
Im being silent almost throughout the whole day.
My mind doesnt feel at ease.
So many things to think about.
Especially when Bf is away and projs are piling up.

Sorry mum n dad for showing u my 'sardine' face
when fetching me from work.
Im seriously tired.
If not working, I would be sitting in front of laptop to do project.
Either at home or staying back in school.
When will my mind be at ease?
When will I be able to get my proper 8hr sleep?
Im so stressed up, but on top of that,
I just realised I love codings. :P
Plus, I felt irritated by this fellow.
Feel like shouting directly to his face and said,
"SHUT UP!! STOP BEING SOOOOO IRRITATING!!
DO YOU KNOW THAT YOU ARE SUCH A LAME-O??!!"
*dush*dush*dush*

I need you right now, Nir.
Please come back soon! :(

2009-07-23T12:45:00.002+08:00

Today Bf went to Melaka.
I dont know for how many days
Cause when I asked him, he simply dont want to answer.
Haha. But its ok. I'll wait till he msg me.
Cause he said he will msg me once he reach Singapore.
And I will patiently waiting for him. =))
Dont why this morning,
he msg me while he's on the way to KL.
I cried as I read his msg.
I hope he said all that with sincere and honest.

Anyway, having a big fight again with Mr B a few days ago.
And I seriously felt that this time round he went way too far.
Now he blame me for not giving him chance
to prove to me that he can change.
I told him before, eventhough I dont accept Nir
I dont think I can accept him.
I seriously dont know why I cant accept him.
And even if me n Nir doesnt last long,
I dont think I can accept Mr B.
After what he said to me and everything.
He made such a huge mistake by doing this to me.
He himself destroy the trust I had in him.
the respect and everything.
No point being friends and accept his apology this time round.

And another person,
Im seriously irritated by him.
Two words to describe him, he's a 'S.S' person.
VERY + VERY + VERY IRRITATING!
++ SUPER & SUPER & SUPER LAME!

2009-07-20T09:56:00.001+08:00

Just for you Nir Ayim

Walaupon dikau jauh dari padangan
Namun hatimu tetap dihatiku
Walau sejauh mana dikau menghilang
Ku tetap terus menantimu

Sejenak ku berfikir
Apakah kesudahannya perhubungan ini
Adakah ini sudah suratan takdir
Yang harus ku lalui kini

Adakah cinta untukku pernah hadir di hati?
Apakah sebenarnya di fikiranmu
Ku mohon agar dikau mengerti
Ku tidak pernah jemu menunggumu

Tidak ku pinta sebuah balasan
Hanya kejujuran yang ku inginkan
Oh kekasihku,
luahkan segala yang tersirat di hatimu

Ku hanya mampu berdoa
Dikau yang terakhir untukku
Tidak ku sanggup lalui ini semua
Sekali lagi dalam hidupku

Ku tetap terus menunggu
Jangan diulangi kisah yang dahulu
Ku pinta dikau kembali
Menceriakan hidupku lagi

2009-07-14T02:29:00.002+08:00

Time check : 2.30am now.
And I still haven sleep yet.
Dont know why, I couldnt sleep.
So here I am blogging.
Well, finally get to talk to Bf just now.
Though its only for awhile.
It seems that we both lost of words.
Dont know why, we seems to be drifting apart.
Well, he's sitting for an exam in few hours time.
So shall not disturb him then.
At least from the start if I knew he preparing for exams,
I wouldnt be thinking negatively.
Its ok. Nanie is fine with that. Cheer up!

Well, having a fight with Basti again just now.
And I seriosuly pissed off.
Its not my fault though when he himself still wanting to wait for me
despite me telling him only Bf is in my heart.
I was just saying, 'I felt so uneasy when u still having feelings for me.'
I just dont want him to waste his time.
It made me feel guilty you see.
I dont want him to be hurt.
Then there he goes.
Asking me to 'mampos(die) la', etc.
And saying its my fault for making him angry?
Like wth.
If he thinks I always make him angry, then fine!
Dont msg me la. Easy right.
I guarantee you for sure, tomorrow he will msg me
and apologise.
He only knows how to find fault, scold and then asking for my forgiveness.
Thats all he does.
And I tell u, its very2 irritating!
How many times must I forgive him when he do it again and again.
Ive so many things to settle,
and there he is adding problems into my life.
I seriously cant take it.
Im very sure, Im gonna ignore him from today onwards.
No point talking to people with no brains
and thinks he's the correct party always.
Huh!!

2009-07-12T16:22:00.004+08:00

I dont know how to express this.
I keep to myself about my past experience
which haunt me whenever i feel im in the same situation like before.
Bf does asked me before, he doesnt understand why girls feel insecured
when their love ones is not there for them.
I tried to explain to him but I choose to keep everything to myself.
All I can say now is I seriously scared of losing him.
I scared history will repeat itself again.
I just hope that wont happen.
If only Bf knows.
Ive been keeping all these to myself. :'(

My past experience.
How do you feel when u waited for someone whom u love
for more than a month, ended up you've been left just like that
without any reason?

How do you feel when u need someone whom u love to be there
when u're sad but he's not there?

How do you feel when the one you love making alot of promises to u
but ended up making empty promises?

I still remember my worst journey in life.
Is when Im having attachment at Changi Airport.
The first day I started attachment, marks
the life full of sadness.
Got to know someone having attachment at another country.
Shall not stated who.
Given my characteristics whom always have low self confidence,
am I strong enough to face all that alone?
Every single day before I enter office,
I cried when I read every single msg of his
just to give me some confidence and motivation.
When I was about to put away unhappy feelings,
more sadness came into my life.
Grandma passed away, getting scolded by supervisor,
workloads that have yet to finish when datelines are given
not having enough rest.
I still remember having to do survey over at Arrival Hall at T3.
Seeing those people waiting for their love ones to come back.
I imagine myself waiting there for him to come back.
There's times when I see his face in others whick look alike.
I even fell down from the stairs due to tiredness.
I cried otw back home, calling his name in heart.
When I finally realised everything is a waste of time.
I waited for more than a month,
but what do I get in return?
He left me just like that without any reasons.
What do you think I would feel? Happy?
Ive long forgotten about this person.
Cause among the others, he hurt me the most.
Thanks. But I dont bear grudges on him.
Let bygones be bygones.

Now, whenever bf 's in silence,
all this started haunting me again.
Please, let me have a positive mindset.
I have nothing to say.
All I can do now is to wait for his msg.
If i ever did wrong, Im sorry.

Im sorry. I love you, Nir.

2009-07-07T01:18:00.004+08:00

So many things happening this few days.
Or should I say, T.O.D.A.Y?
Past few days I was rather tired. Super super tired.
After MST, back to doing FYP, SAD & ERP projs.
I was very blur during work and also at school.
When people called me, I never hear them calling.
Always bring that blur and tired face wherever I go.
And there's one funny part happening just now.
I dont know that the T22 toilet had already renovated.
I shall not share. Its so embarassing. Haha.
Just one clue. I went to the wrong toilet. >.<

After school went to meet Khai at dover.
Cause he wants me to come along with him to watch
AYG 2009 Soccer Match at Jalan Besar.
He got free tickets.
We went there with the other two of his friends.
I never went there before and I started to feel really awkward.
But as soon as I reach the stadium, I saw makcik2 also seh.
I felt abit relax. Haha.
Semi-finals was between Iran and China. Iran wins 2-0.
Finals was between North Korea and South Korea. South Korea wins 2-0.
During the finals, there's this korean man sitting just 2 seats away from me.
He eating Big Mac and drink water continuous.
Like people who are really3 hungry.
He bite the burger then he drink he bite then he drink.
Somemore there was no straw.
I started to laugh. I dont know Khai was also focusing on him.
We both laugh.

Me : Kelaparan seh tu org.
He : Haha. Ni bukan lapar, ni gelojoh.
Me : Haha. Tu uh. Sampai tak sempat amek straw.

Bestie happened to call.
Started to disturb both of us.
Haha. We're not dating ok??
Please dont misunderstand. Hehe.
The match ended at 9.15pm and we then head back home.
I was very sleepy and tired.

Im having a fight with Basti.
Again! He scolded me and blame me for everything.
He called me useless women.
He said damn it to me.
Yes. Its my fault. You never did anything wrong ok.
Everything that happened is all my fault.
Are you satisfy now?
I really tired of having to quarrel with him over some small issues.
There's more things for me to think about.
And seriously my head hurts this few days.
Maybe due to not having enough rest and think too much.
I felt guilty fighting with him.
At least I already told him the truth that I already have someone.
He said he insist of waiting and willing to let me go.
But now, he doesnt seems to understand.
Each time he msg me, he starts to talk nonsense.
And when I tried to explain things to him,
he started to call me names and scolded me.
I really dont know what to say.

I spoken to Bf about all this.
And he only said these,
"Just ignore him. Seriously I dont like it when he said vulgarities at you."
Hmm. Dont know why.
He become so emotion.
Well dear, indeed its true that I never felt the love from you yet.
But I am certain that I started to have feelings for you.
I dont need you to contact me everyday.
I dont expect you to spend your time for me.
If you are busy, then its ok. I understand.
I do understand.
I felt something from you.
But I still unsure about it.
Let fate decides everything.

Dear, Imu too. ;(

2009-07-03T21:09:00.003+08:00

MST Week is over! =)
I felt so relieved after ERP paper.
I thought I couldnt do.
But Alhamdulillah. The paper was fine.
After some motivations from Bf.
He asked me to sleep. That time was already 3am.
But I still stubborn cause I wanna study for this module.
He keep asking me to get some rest.
Just to please him, I lied to him.
Saying that Im going to sleep but actually I still studying. >.<
I slept at 6am in the morning.
And woke up at 8am. Only 2 hours of sleeping.
Sacrifice my sleep just to study ERP.
Well, never regret cause I manage to do the paper.
So happy. =)
Thanks to Nad too for accompanying me the whole night.
We crapping all the way. Haha.
Hopefully she manage to do her chemistry paper.

Anyway, I was somehow disturbed by what he said
when we talked to each other on mon night.
He said he worried about his love life.
But he didnt wanna tell me what exactly it is.
Till I have some negative thoughts about it.
And I felt so uneasy.
I started to feel that Im some kind of a barrier to his future.
Dont know why I felt that way.
That point of time I was really2 down.
But I choose to keep it all to myself.
I never share everything to him.
Yesterday while talking to him, he asked why I felt so sad.
He knows that I was thinking about him.
He told me not to worry about that.
Now I know what he busy with.
I never knew he would do that.
Setting up his own business indeed kind of risky.
But he took the challenges.
Hopefully everything will go fine.

Yesterday I felt something weird.
All these while I dont know why.
I never had all those feeling towards him.
Eventhough I choose him instead of others.
I dont know if I really didnt have any feelings towards him
or its just that my heart keeps denying it each time that feeling came.
When I felt that I need him, I scared of losing him.
Everything. I always deny it.
But yesterday when talking to him,
he told me everything just to keep my mind at ease.
He tried to explained things to me, then I started to understand.
We spent some time talking about us.
And eventually, I started to feel it.
And now I should say, I cant deny it already
That I started to have feelings for him.
But I always told myself not to expect too much in this relationship.
Cause its hurt each time been fooled by all those sweet talker.

One more thing.
Someone already has a girlfriend.
Up till now I still havent get the answer as to why he did that to me.
So much for the love and trust that I had in him.
All the promises that he have made.
Everything that he said has no meaning at all.
1st time ever I felt I wasted my time on him.
I wasted 1 and a half month waiting for him.
But all I get and heard from him was just
ignorance and 'GO AWAY!'
Thanks very much.
You are the most 'baik' ustaz that I have ever known.

Dear, If you could understand me, why cant I?
Sorry for worrying about you too much.
I just want you to know Im sincere. =)

2009-06-29T11:35:00.002+08:00

Im gonna blog for awhile now.
2 hrs more before 1st paper starts.
Goshh! Im super nervous la.
I dont know why. I scared I couldnt do SAD.
So S.A.D! Haha.
Now in school alone, studying.
Meeting Shu Juan for some Q&A session at 8.30am.
9.30 she off to take her SAD test.
But my class starts at 2pm. >.<
So can still have time to revise again.

Exams are now on.
And too many things for me to think and do.
Friends are having some personal problems.
And I never care about my upcoming test.
Instead lending a listening ear to them.
Life is full of ups and down.
Many challenges to face.
How I wish I was the one who faces all those challenges instead of them.
Can I pray for that to happen to me instead?
Haha. Weird huh?!
I can even pray that I feel the same way as what my mum feel
when she having a terrible headache and fever,
why not I pray that I faces those tests given by Allah instead of my friends?
I just feel its my responsibility to be there for my friends when they need help.
I just hope they are strong enough to face all that has happened lately.
Just one thing to remember.
Allah tidak akan menguji hambaNya lebih dari kemampuan mereka sendiri.
Insyaallah dengan hati yang tabah, semua masalah akan selesai.
Yea? Take care friends.

No more blogging this week.
Gonna focus on my MST.
All the best to Nanie! Haha.

Anw, last but not least,
"Sarang-hae-yo Nir Ayim!"
Giler!

2009-06-27T01:48:00.002+08:00

Keikhlasan

Seorang insan yang pernah dicintai
Kini sudah datang kembali
Hadir dua insan yang berbeza
Namun kelakuannya serupa

Cinta yang sepatutnya hadir di jiwa
Tatkala menerima kehadirannya
Tidak pernah ku rasakan
Walaupon sudah lama bersama

Namun sebuah penyesalan tidak pernah hadir di hatiku
Saat ku menerima kehadiranmu
Akan kita teruskan perhubungan ini
Dengan adanya keikhlasan di hati

Perasaan

Tiba saatnya kita saling berbicara
Tentang hati dan perasaan kita
Yang sudah sekian lama tidak terungkap
Membuatkan jiwa tersiksa

Masa tidak mengizinkan
Untuk kita meluahkan perasaan
Disini dicari bila perlu pertolongan
Keadaan menyepi bila tidak diperlukan

Adilkah sikapmu itu terhadapku
Yang hanya membuatku menitis airmata
Tahukah dirimu bahawa aku
Juga mempunyai perasaan?

Tidak pernah engkau memahami
Waktu dirimu ku perlukan
Bila ku cuba meluahkan perasaanku ini
Engkau anggap itu suatu gurauan

Adakah engkau yakin dengan perasaanmu
Bila saat engkau mengatakan cinta kepadaku
Tidak pula ku merasakan kesungguhanmu
Menerima diriku sebahagian dari hidupmu

Kenape tiba2 aku rasa takut kehilangan dia?
Kenape aku rasakan yang dia akan tinggalkan aku?
:'(

2009-06-21T21:34:00.001+08:00

Why each time having into relationship,
I always have this feeling of uneasiness in me?
Up till now I just couldnt find the answer why I choose him in my life.
Is it just because of sincerity that we both choose each other?
Where was he when I need him?
I wasnt trying to bring up the past.
But I sacrificed my time to help him when he need me.
Why cant he just do the same?
I dont expect him to be always here for me.
To call me, msg me everyday.
No I dont need that from him.
I dont know what to say.
I just dont feel the love from him.
I dont feel the chemistry between us.
Its as if we living in two different world.
Why issit that when I need him, its not him who is there for me.
But someone else?
I guess I shouldnt think too much.
Or perhaps I should just stay positive.
Exams are coming and I seriously dont want all is to be a burden to me.
Especially having to focus myself on FYP.
Its too much for me to handle when all these problems keep adding on.
Before I turn insane, I shall let all this unnecessary problems away from my mind.
I shall start thinking about it once I finish my exam.
Hopefully. I just want to be alone for a moment.
Can I have some peace please??

*No matter what ,I will keep loving you
Even without your knowing.*

2009-06-17T22:41:00.003+08:00

At last! I finish doing questions & answers on Statistics for BF
as a revision for his upcoming exam this Fri.
All the best to him.
I tried my best in helping him.
Yesterday after work went over to his place cause he felt tired coming back from work.
I had a great laugh at him when I reach his place.
Firstly, with his just-wake-up-face. Really2 terrible.
Secondly, he wore his pants high up.
Haha. Looking kind of nerdy.
And lastly, with the blur look on his face when he studied Statistics.
(?_?) really made me laugh non-stop.
Getting free dinner at his house (His dad's cooking. Fish Curry!)
By the time we finish study was already 8 plus near 9.
He sent me home. But drop by at BPP for awhile.
He bought for me Caramel Frappe at BP Starbucks. Thanks dear!

He said, "this is a you since you help me with statistics."

I thought he was buying for himself cause seriously he said he was craving for it.

Seriously all my life I never taste anything from Starbucks before.
Haha. Weird huh? Nah.
I just find it a waste of money having to buy expensive beverage.
We then sat down outside Starbucks for awhile cause he wants to smoke.
(He's really a heavy smoker!)
By the time he finished 2 sticks of cigarettes, it was already nearly 11.
So he didnt send me all the way to my house.
There goes this convo between us.

He: U want to walk first or wait till 963 bus come then u go?
Me: I wait for you till the bus come uh.
He: Is the LRT far from here? (We was at the bus stop outside BPP)
Me: No la. There only (Pointing at the BP LRT station)
He: So far seh. Seriously I worried of you walking there alone.
Me: No la. Less than 5 minutes walk only.
He: Its far la monyet(monkey)!
Me: What monyet2? Im human being ok? Haha.
He: Ok2. Why not you take 963 with me then u alight at pending lrt?
Me: Ok. As you wish.

See. So bad of him calling me monyet(monkey)!
Haha. I felt different yesterday.
Well. Bestie has been asking how me and nir relationship going few days ago.
All I could say to her was "Ok."
Seriously, I find that this relationship was a little bit different.
He somehow told me before he dont believe that I love him and so do I.
Maybe because we both never show our love to each other.
I guess its better that way.
At least we dont expect much from this relationship.
In terms of interest, we both have the same interest in business.
Its easy for us to communicate though.
I just hope he's unlike the rest that Ive met before.
If this relationship fails, I just dont know what to say.
Just pray and hope.
Its not the right time yet to think about all this.
Insyaallah everything will go on smoothly between us.
Yesterday meeting made me feel I need him in my life.
My feelings for him grows each day whenever I started missing him.

2009-06-11T01:35:00.002+08:00

Time checkss. Its 1.35am already.
Haha. I just couldnt get to sleep though Im already tired.
So yah. Lets blogging.
On tuesday was fun.
I was out the whole day.
Suppose to meet my grpmates at 9.45am at Boon Keng MRT.
But I reach there at 10.30am.
So many things crop up when I was about to leave the house.
Thats why Im late.
We went to Mustafa centre to shop for our client products.
Guess how long we shop?
From 11 to 4 plus ok?
Tiring! Thirsty! Bored! Fun! & many2 more la.
Haha. Then we went to eat at Mc Donald
after sending all the groceries to Lin Qi's house.
At the same time discuss on our FYP at Lin Qi's house.

I left about 7pm while the rest still discussing for ERP project.
I had to go for outing to celebrate Izzat's bdae.
Nad fetch me at Dover mrt.
She bring along her friend too. =))
I dont know why the moment I step into the car.
I felt so sad. I did cried but no one knows.
Haha. I felt so sad.
As usual. I always the alone whenever I went out with them.
Ade matair pon mcm tkde. Haha.
We bought cake, fetch Aishah & Shafiyyan
and headed to Vivo to meet Izzat & Liyana.
After cutting the cake then we headed to West Coast to play for awhile
Then went to Al-Azhar to eat.
By the time we reach home was alreayd nearly 2am.
First time I ever reach home late. Haha.
But I enjoyed myself.
The feeling of going out at night with friends was cool.

Along the way, Bf did call.
Statistics presentation that I do for him was a success.
Good for him la. He's kind of happy.
Just by calling me that night made me feel happy
even without him by my side. Thanks.

2009-06-08T02:33:00.003+08:00

Time checkss! 2.33am now.
But Im still awake. Blogging somemore eh.
Haha. I cant sleep la
with this irritating nose.
Understand understood la eh if u're having flu. =))

Yesterday Bf called me.
He sounds so happy la seyy.
Know why?
Cause he manage to solve some questions on Standard Deviation?!
Haha. Funny guy.

He: Dea, Im so happy la. Confirm got distinction for Stats.
Me: Aik. Confident? Haha.
He: Ya la. If i get distinction, u get it uh.
Me: What? What you want to do? Haha.
He: Got uh. Cant tell you.

He starting to be mushy already uh.
The youngest child mah. Haha.
Well, we're more like a friend.
We dont behave like a couple though.
It is better this way?
Well. Err. Maybe.
I tried not to disturb him for these 2 weeks due to his upcoming exam.
But at times I just couldnt control myself.
When I need him, he always not there.
What to do.
We have different perceptions.
But still, I dont mind going through all these just for him.
I still need to focus myself on my FYP and school.
No more slacking.
He gave me confidence.
We do have same interest in business.
So its kind of easy if I ever need his help and vice versa.
Syukur alhamdulillah.
Good la eh.
The subject that I like, he dont like.
The one that I dont like, he like it. Haha.
I seriously need his help on Financial Management.
Cause till now I dont understand a single thing. Haha.
Same goes to Law.
MST is 3 weeks away.
And I have not started on my revision yet.
When? When? Im so busy with projects and work.
Urgghh. Dear help me out! Haha.

Just now having a small family gathering.
Kenduri for my late grandma.
Only my dad's family were there.
I did laugh alot today.
Dont know why, I joke around together with Hakim.
Haha. Whenever, having me n hakim around,
my mum always get bullied by us. Haha.
No offence ok mum. Lols.
Since she kind of no mood due to some problems,
we manage to make her smile with our lame jokes. Lols.
After maghrib prayers,
me, siblings n cousins when to the nearby carpark highest level.
My uncle bring along his telescope.
So we get to see planet. Haha.
We queue for our turns. haha.
Really so childish.
Even my other uncles n dad join in too.
Haha. Sampai bersila2, bongkok2, nyangkong2 sehh.
So thats all we did just now.
Really had a great time.
Its been quite a while since we last having family gathering
eversince grandma has passed away.
Hoepfully, we get to get together again some day.
Insyaallah. =))

Last but not least.
Happy 2Oth Birthday To Izzat!! =))

Alright. Thats all for todays entry.
Wanna go off to Lala Land right now.
My mata da tkle angzz. haha.
Nytes people. :))

*How should I tell you that I miss you?*

2009-06-04T12:23:00.002+08:00

Tuesday was the issuing of school laptop to FYP students.
And the first thing the laptop was handed to me,
I already start complaining.
Haha. Its not because the laptop heavy or something.
But I complained about the sling bag. Haha.
You know like working adult used to carry the laptop sling bag.
Like what la. Haha.
Weird Nanie.

Yesterday was a tiring day for me.
First time meeting bf.
Meeti bf at his area at Hougang at 8.30am.
Cause he really needs my help for his Statistic Project.
and his upcoming Stats exam.
We did have fun joking around.
And to say I laugh alot yesterday.
He was so blur with all the formulas and his blur expression
really tickles me. Haha.
I really cant help it.
He thought I laugh at him cause he dont even know the basics
like mean, median n mode.
He keep saying, "Kau jgn ketawakan aku." =D

Well, if not because of the project

that need to be submitted next week,

up till now I never get the chance to meet him.

He even give me some advises on everything.
I can really say he can be a good motivator or even advisor.
We did have a good time together.
We do his project and study till 4 plus.
Till Im super lazy to work and had to lie to my supervisor
saying that I have to meet client on that day.
Bad Nanie! haha.
Eventually he just send me to Buangkok Station
caus ehe also very tired and had to go tuition later on.
All the way I slept in NEL.
Thought of alighting at Outram Park to take the Green line.
But slept all the way to HarbourFront.
No choice but to take 963 at the Bus Interchange.
I slept all the way till reaching Pending LRT.
I was really really tired.
Well, thanks Nir for everything. =))

2009-05-27T23:48:00.002+08:00

Alhamdulillah.
At last I manage to let out everything to him though there's
twist and turn to the story.
At least Mr B understand and that he let me go.
Well. Im kind of happy since I dont have to keep thinking about this matter anymore.
But on the other hand, I feel so guilty towards him.
Well. He said he let me go willingly
eventhough it breaks his heart.
And he did that for the sake of wanting to make me happy.
But instead Ive broken his heart.
Oh well. Everythings fine now.
Thanks Mr B.
Thanks for being understanding.

2 days never contact Bf already.
Starting to miss him.
I guess this is another test given by Him again.
I will continue on praying.
Hoping that this waiting will not be a waste.
Just like the previous experiences that I had gone through before.
If I could wait for that someone for more than a month.
Why cant I just bear for 2 weeks to wait for Bf. True?
I realised that I never expect much from this relationship.
Maybe because of my past experience that change me.
He do his own things and l'll just do mine.
When we have time, we can just communicate with each other for 1 few hours.
Simply said, when it comes to work, we work.
When it comes to study, we study.
And when it comes to spend time with each other, we will.
Its easier this way.
It wont be of much distraction to me when I have to focus on my FYP.
I just hope he's fine.
Somehow I felt that when he's not there for me, I feel so insecured.
I dont know why.
But thats what I feel right now. :(

I seriously miss you, Nir.

2009-05-26T00:28:00.002+08:00

I guess everything between me n B has ended.
Well, it's partly my fault that I just couldnt tell him the truth.
I had to lie to him. Telling him that Im exremely busy with my school.
Feel so bad.
Hopefully, he'll find someone better.
Anyway, gonna miss Nir.
Well, I have to wait for him till he topup his pp8.
Till 12 june?? Thats super long.
But what to do. Haish2.
Oh2. Wait2. 12 june?? Haha.
Someone's going to NS soon. Lols.
Just take care of yourself ok bestie. haha.
Till here then. Super tired.
Guess might be skipping LSC class tomorrow.
Kepenatan deh.
Tk boleh angzz luh. >.<

Miss you Nir! :(

2009-05-20T20:01:00.002+08:00

Just as I thought.
U would msg me again asking for an apology.
Yes I accept it.
I dont bear any grudges against anyone.
I can forgive and forget.
But don't expect things will be the same anymore between us.

*Get well soon Nir.
I miss you :( *

2009-05-19T21:19:00.005+08:00

This entry is to just let out my frustrations and everything that I feel right now.
To Mr B,
I am really sorry that I never tell you the truth.
I didnt want all this to happen
especially when I told you once before that I could
somehow give you the love and attention that you needed.
Eventually we did not even go into relationship.
And that we are only friends.
I know it's my fault to ask you to find someone else
that can make you happy and give all those love
and attention that you desire.
Cause I know I can't give all that to you anymore
since I already have Nir in my life.
It's not just because I have Nir, that I'm doing this.
Even if Nir doesnt enter into my life,
I still have alot of things to do and think about now.
With all my final year proj, school and work,
I dont think I have the time for you.
I tried to explain this to you but you just don't understand.
Now you said,
"Don't ever look for me after you graduated from Poly.
GET OUT FROM MY LIFE! DAMN YOU!"
FINE! If that's what you want. I'LL DO IT!
And let me tell you these!
All these while you are the one who look for me.
You always have that stupid ego of yours that
you always blame me and vent your anger at me
for something that I had no intention to do that to you at all.
And in the end you apologize to me so many times
and even have the guts to say you scared of losing me?
I seriously dont understand a guy like you.
And I'm super pissed off right now.
I have no time to think about all these.
So sorry for letting out all my frustrations in this entry.

2009-05-16T11:17:00.003+08:00

I feel super tired and sleepy today.
Cause I only slept for like less than 3 hours.
Thanks to my painful tooth that makes me have difficulty sleeping.
And ended up talking to Bf on the phone from 2 plus till 5 plus in the morning.
Later I have to go for MI Carnival.
After that have to go for Aisyah's Kak Angkat wedding for ushering.
Still havent decide what clothes to wear later. Haish2.

Anyway, its already 1 week we've been together.
And Im glad that each day passed by,
our relationship gets stronger and stronger.
Well, I dont want to put high hopes on this relationship.
Thanks for being honest to me about yourselves.
I able to accept everything despite
the negative things that u had in u.
And thanks for accepting me the way I am and understand me.
We fell for each other because of our sincerity
and I hope that it will forever remain that way.
U never failed to make me smile each day. :)

2009-05-10T14:16:00.002+08:00

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY
TO ALL MOTHERS IN THE WORLD :))

Well, I felt so bad not giving anything to ibu.
She's not feeling well at the moment.
Hope she will get better soon.
How I wish she doesnt have to feel all those pain.
There was once she having a bad headache and fever.
She cried infront of me trying to endure the pain.
It hurts me and guess what I do?
I pray to Allah s.w.t to let me feel all those pain instead of her.
And eventually what I prayed for really come true.
Weird huh? Thats what I did. hurhur!

Anyway, to someone there.
Ive known you for just a few days
and I took the risk of accepting someone new again in my life.
I wont ask much from you but just your honesty.
I dont want to have high hopes or trust you that much
cause of my previous bad experiences.
I hope you understand.
Respect me for who I am and I will do just the same.
Love me for who I am and I will do just the same too.
Dont ever make any promises cause in the end promises can be broken.
We'll try our best to keep this one continues. :)
Whenever there's misunderstanding, we'll try our best to rectify everything.
Thats all I need from you, Nir. :)

Thats all for now.
Wanna continue my LSC & FM tutorials.

2009-05-03T21:13:00.002+08:00

Irritating nose.
Irritating migrane.
Argghh!!
Ok people. Its not swine flu alright.
Dont worry. Dont scared to come near me if you see me ok?
Hahaha. Lame!
Anyways, long time never update eh.
Busy with work and school.
I was so stressed up with some things.
Especially when FYP coming and I dont even have laptop!
How super troublesome that is.
Everyone was asking what happen to me??
Why am I so quiet nowadays?
Haish2. Too many things to think about.
'Someone' always there to hear my problems.
But Im so sorry that some things I prefer not to share.

Yesterday, I met 'someone' before I went to work.
Missing 'someone'? Yes, I can't deny that.
And 'someone' made me laugh non-stop with all the lame jokes.
Im still thinking whether or not I should accept 'someone'
cause each time I felt confident to tell 'someone' a YES,
something stop me from doing so.
Ended up swallow that 'YES' back inside.
Maybe I should give myself more time to think about that.
For now I have to settle some things first.
Plus this irritating migrane
made me have no mood to think about all those problems
that weighing in my head now.

Haish2. Thats all for now.
I need to do my LSC and FM tutorials.
Good night people! :))

*I miss you!*

2009-04-19T17:00:00.002+08:00

Should I accept him?
What about the past?
Am I able to forget everything?
Or should I just wait for him?
What if history repeats itself again?
Am I able to face it?
Am i that strong to move on?

I dont need all those to show your love towards me.
I just need your smile to make me happy.
I just need your presence to keep me going.
I just need your honesty to make me stay with you.
I hope you understand.
Prove to me that u will change.
And I will decide. :)

Im broke!
Arggghh!
When will I get my pay?
My bill? My concession? My ez-link?
My parents? My allowance? My check-up?
My spectacle?
Oh-oh! -.-
D.E.A.D!

*Im confused with my own feelings.
I just couldnt accept anyone.
My heart keeps saying I need to stay.
I need to wait. He will come back.
But what if all this is just a dream that will never ever happened?*

2009-04-16T10:39:00.001+08:00

2009-04-11T14:11:00.004+08:00

Just 2 words, I learnt yesterday.
And this two words indeed shows a deep meaning,
"G.O A.W.A.Y!"
Easy to said after all those promises that were made.
Just 3 words to describe everything.

I look on the brighter side.
Well, though 1 month seems to be such a waste to have waited
for a person who totally and simply doesnt deserve to be with,
it makes me getting used to not having him in my life.
Getting to know Mr B while that Mr A going "overseas",
makes me realise another thing.
Mungkin apa yang terjadi ada hikmah disebaliknya.

Well, everythings ended.
Shall forget everything.
Insyaallah.
Ohh, another thing.
Im now in the process of doing a so called
mini-poem-book, title: "Luahan Hati Dua Insan".
Its just for memories ever since i started doing my own poem.
Want to see?? Wait till everything's done. :)

I just wanted to know the truth
But it seems that you put a stop to everything.
I accepted it.
I will never feel regret.

2009-04-08T14:41:00.002+08:00

Maybe it's all over now.
Should I just wait for the truth?
Or should I just find out the truth?
Im just tired having to think about all this.
Is this what I get after waiting patiently for him for 1 month?
When all those words are just a bunch of lies?
I have no answer to that eventhough it seems to be the truth.
Why is it that each time I accepted someone in my life
and hoping that he was the last and forever for me,
but it always turn out that he wasnt?
Is it really a shameful thing to be with someone like me?
Does my face shows that I am a "can-easily-be-cheated" kind of person?
I know i have alot of weaknesses.
I know that from the start its always the same thing happen.
They said they can change me.
They said they can give me confidence.
They said they dont mind.
But all those words doesnt seem to be the way it suppose to mean.
It will always became an issue for the break-ups.
Ive been going through all these in my life for 4 times.
And I guess this will be the last time I accepted someone in my life.
I dont want to waste any more tears for them.
I dont want my head hurts because of thinking too much about them.
Im really2 tired.
Why must love exist?
Why must there be a feeling of loving someone?
When all it can do is to add sadness in my life instead of brighten it up.
My heart is aready broken.
I gave up!

*Why does my heart keeps saying that he's not what I think he is?
Why does this heart keeps denying?
Adakah semua ini ternyata benar?
Atau ia hanya salah faham?
"Ya Allah, sesungguhnya Engkau Maha Mengetahui segalanya.
Berikanlah petunjukMu Ya Allah.
Tunjukkanlah segala kebenaran pada semua ini.
Sesungguhnya hanya padaMu ku bermohon. Amin."*

2009-04-04T16:19:00.000+08:00

Hear this song! Nice :))

2009-03-28T15:34:00.003+08:00

Its weekend again!! Wee.
Have been quite busy with work lately.
3 more weeks left.
I just felt that this was my worst period of all.
Ever since I was attached to Changi Airport,
I felt my life has totally change.
Im really2 tired.
That's all I could say.
I cried alot since then.
At times I just couldnt take it.
And soon to come, I felt there will be more tasked for me to handle.
Insyaallah, I will be able to go through all these with patience. :))

Went out with Zaf and Yati last sunday afternoon.
Its been a while since we met each other.
We shared stories, we shed tears, we laugh and jokes.
Their presence, encouragement, made me stand on my feet again.
Having just a little confidence to keep on moving.
Somehow, I lost that confidence again on tuesday
when I was so stressed up finishing my work at home late night.
I even cried, really2 awful, in front of my dad.
I know he's trying to encourage me.
"Dont think about what will happen in the future.
Just relax and dont stress yourself. Just enjoy your work.
Its not going to be easy. Take it as challenge in life.
Just do whats right. Be happy always. Dont think too much. :))"

23 days have passed.
Havent heard any single news from him yet
Should I just give up?
The feelings kept fading away ever since he left me all alone.
I dont know what else to say about us.
There's something gonna happen.
But I just dont know why I felt that way.
Am I doubting him in any ways?

Im sorry Mr B.
I couldnt meet you today.
I knew what will happen. Im sorry.
All these while i treat you not more than a friend.
And dont try to fool me with all your sweet words
cause im not gonna fall for it.
You already have someone and just be with her.
Dont say you can handle that cause i dont think you are.
And i know im not the only one had you say all those sweet words of yours.
Dont think i dont know.
Sorry but i dont think you are sincere enough.
Even so, Im sorry.
I already have someone else.
Thats it. Live your own live.
Cause i dont want to be involve or enter in your world full of lies.

2009-03-21T20:13:00.002+08:00

So many things happening this past few weeks.
And sometimes I just couldnt have the strength to face all this.
How I wish I could run away from all this.
Im not that strong
But what can I do.
I still have to face all this challenges no matter what.

1st week of attachment I have to go through without him to give me encouragement.
and I guess it will be throughout my whole 7 weeks of attachment.
2nd week and thats when my grandma passed away.
3rd week I got a scoldings from my supervisor.
And since then, there's always a fear in me each time I come to work.
I cried whenever I go out from my house.
I looked at my mum who still sleeping when I go out.
How I wish I could tell her everything that I felt at that moment.
And how I wish I could hug her tightly to show her how much I need her strength.
I looked at my sister.
How I wish I could be like her.
Spending time at home.
And how I wish she always beside me to give me motivation.
I feel some kind of pressure inside me.
Those who knows me will know what kind person I am.
Despite everything that has happened.
I still go to work with a sincere heart.
I already tried my best.
But I guess Im not that confidence in everything I do.
I shall not elaborate what happen at work.
Just that for now, Im not sure if I could face all this.
I just need a break.
4 more weeks and I dont know I'll be able to take it or not
Im seriously tired of crying every morning. :(

I hardly had my lunch this days.
And Im feeling super weak right now.
My migrane comes back on and off and its hurt.
And at the same time in LRT, I saw this guy looks abit like him.
And i start missing him already. Haish2.
I wonder what he's doing right now.
Haish2.
And I had a great fall at LRT yesterday while I was walking down the stairs.
Now my leg hurts.
And I cried on the way back home.
I feel Im so useless.
I dont know. Im feeling so weak.
:(

*I dont know why I have doubt in you.
Whatever happens, I just need ur sincerity.
No lies between us.
Thats all im asking for*

2009-03-16T08:47:00.004+08:00

I was about to put aside all unhappy feelings
when I heard another sad news.
My grandma has just passed away on 14 March 09.
On that morning when I heard my dad asking my sis
to wake up early to go to my grandma house as
we get the news that she is super sick,
I felt something wasnt right.
We woke up, still taking time to get ready.
At 9.45am, me, sis and bro leave the house.
While on our way, we received a call from mum
that grandma passed away.
We 3 went quiet.
We rushed to grandma house.
Only a few of my uncles are there.
I never get to talk to her for the last time.
But Alhamdulillah, I heard that she passed away in a peaceful way.
If last week we never cancelled our plan to visit grandma,
I could have seen her for the last time.
I could have heard her voice for the last time.
I could have seen her smile for the last time.
But now not anymore.:(
I wonder how our families will be like.
I hope we still could gather together like we used to
during Hari Raya.
Ya Allah, ampunilah dosa-dosa nenekku.
Tempatkan dia di antara golongan orang-orang yang solehah,
beriman dan bertaqwa.
Semoga rohnya dicucuri rahmatMu Ya Allah. Amin.

On the grandma passed away,
There's this family came to visit.
And there's this guy who look totally like my Tasmania.
The way he walked, his hair style, body size *lol*
and everything looks the same.
And all the way, I kept staring at him.
I guess I missed my Tasmania alot.
Haish. When will he be coming back?
So many things happening.
I need him here. :(

Yesterday was the day since I last have a good laughter.
I met Nad for breakfast over at Ten Mile Junction.
We share everything.
Seeing her happy with Al-fee makes me
misses my Tasmania even more.
How I wish we could be like them.
Their relationship is so strong.
Awwwwww.
Different people different life.
My life is much more complicated than it seems to be.

2009-03-13T17:03:00.003+08:00

Im bored to the max larr sehh!
For this 2 days, no tasked been assigned to me.
Simply because they are busy with some operation problems
that has been going on lately.
So currently no tasked for me to handle.
Well. 2 weeks of attachment over.
Left with another 5 weeks.
And Im starting to enjoy my work. Haha.

Well, from today onwards,
all unhappy stuff will be put aside.
I encouraged myself to be happy
and stop thinking too much about him.
Right now,
I'll just wait patiently for him till he comes back.
Hopefully no more tears afterwards. :))
I have to get use to this kind of situations though.
Cause in time to come, he'll be going away again.
He had so many activities going on.
Not just in S'pore but to other countries as well.
So yahh. Have to bear with it la ehh.
*Itulah Nanie. Nak dengan dia sangat kan.
Amek kau! Rasekan!* =P
Like my dad say, "Ustaz katekan." Haha.

Anyway, just to let out something here.
To Mr B,
I dont know whats on your mind.
I dont know what you thinking.
I sense that you are confused with your own feelings.
U told me your feelings towards me.
But Im sorry.
I couldnt sense your sincerity.

Maafkan aku kerana rahsiakan semua
Maafkan aku kerana tidak percaya
Tidakku tahu tentang sebenarnya perasaanmu
Kata-katamu meragui hatiku

Yang ada dalam diriku cuma dia(Ayid)
Tiada siapa dapat menggantikannya
Kata manismu membingungkan
Sementara ucapannya(Ayid) penuh kejujuran.

Till here then.
I miss you Tasmania! :))

2009-03-12T16:51:00.001+08:00

(Poem from him)

*27FEB09*

Di antara diriku jua dirimu
Hanya mengharap cinta yang satu
Ku binakan mahligai impianmu
Oh sayang ikhlaskanlah hatimu

Malumu benilai
Katamu berhikmah
Hatimu tulus suci dan murni
Hanya diri yang halal engkau serahkan segala
Untuk mencari redha ilahi

Kau permaisuri di hatiku
Di dunia ini engkau penghibur
Menjunjung kasih amanah ilahi
Ku pasti akan terus menyayangi

Terima kasih ucapan ku beri
Kau hadiahkan ku cahaya hati
Ku pimpin tanganmu oh kasih meniti hari
Semoga kita dapat bersama
Sampai kepadanya di syurga sana

Tuhan tetapkanlah permaisuri hatiku
Untuk mendekati dalam menggapai cintamu

2009-03-12T10:55:00.002+08:00

Someone told me this,
"Bear this in mind.
EATING IS NOT THE BEST SOLUTION TO STRESS!"
I shall heed his words from now on. Haha.

Since morning till now no task been assigned to me.
My supervisor is nowhere in sight.
So I just used this time to blog.
Hmm. Im super tired.
And yesterday was my crying day ever.
I shed too much tears till I guess im gonna get sick sooner.
Haha.I love it!
Cause I seldom get sick. Oh Oh. *Weird Nanie!*

Well, friends been encouraging me and advising me.
And I guess due to keeping alot of information
between me and Tasmania,
makes them have negative thoughts about Tasmania.
But what they say do make sense too.
Well, its all because of the trust that i had in him
which makes me have a positive mindset.
His sincerity makes me believe in him.
His presence makes me have the strength to face challenges.
I never felt this way before.
So many promises that he have made and I know I cant simply rely
on that cause promises can be broken.
I just leave to fate to decide everything.
Im keeping quiet cause I tried to understand him.
Im keeping quiet cause I dont want any misunderstanding occurs.
Im keeping quiet cause I think he needs time.
Patience is all I need right now.

Am I being too soft-hearted?? :(

2009-03-11T17:28:00.002+08:00

I started todays day with tears in my eyes.
I dont know why.
I really really really missed him so much.
Just 1 week have passed.
But it seems difficult to get used to not having him around.
If last time, he would surely msg me every single day.
Asking what am i doing, etc.
Now, I feel so lonely.
Going to work early in the morning alone,
sitting here in office also alone, going home alone,
and at home less communication with my family.
For the past few days before i start work,
I would read all his msgs in my hp.
To me reading them gave me some confidence and strength.
And I never get bored reading them for umpteen times.
Just when will he be coming back??
:'(

2009-03-07T17:06:00.002+08:00

First week of attachment is over!
Left another 6 more weeks. Oh Oh.
Well, working at Changi Airport Budget Terminal
under Airport Operations Department was quite interesting.
I was alone there whereas my other schoolmates are all posted at T2 there.
(Kecian Nanie kene campak pat Budget Terminal sane. Ishk3*Shook head*)
Im working from 8.30am-6pm from mon to fri.
Which means everyday i need to wake up at 5am.
And will reach home arnd 8 plus at night.
Its really tiring. -.-
Well, everything's manageable.
Just for a few assignments that made me have that (?_?) face.

Well, just a few words of encouragement for my bestie here, Nadiah.
Im glad u move on.
Yea. Just move on.
No one knows what happen in the future.
Even if u facing difficulties along the way, do the best that you can.
Sentiasa berusaha, Insyaallah,
Allah akan mempermudahkan jalan untuk awak capai cita2 awk.
Gagal sekali bukan bererti gagal untuk selamanya.
Mungkin ade jalan lain untuk awk.
Cume mungkin bukan sekarang.
Whatever it is, just dont give up ok. :)

*Few days have passed.
When will you be coming back? :(*

2009-03-04T21:42:00.002+08:00

Dalam hidup ini penuh dgn dugaan Tuhan.
Dan aku rase dugaan yang sedang aku alami skrg
adalah lalui 7 minggu attachment at changi airport
dan 1 bulan lebih untuk menunggu kembali kehadiran dia.

Well, nanie kene tabah hadapi semua nie.
2mrw he's going for attachment at Japan for 1 month plus.
Which means 1 month plus i cant get to contact him.
If i cant get to meet him at least i can take it.
But cant get to talk to him for that 1 month plus seems
a bit torturing for me.
Cause i need him.
I need his confidence.
I need his strength.
I feel so lonely without him.
I feel at lost.

Sometimes i understand him
Sometimes i dont.
Sometimes i know him
Sometimes i dont.
Sometimes i have confidence in him
Sometimes i dont
Sometimes i trust him
Sometimes i dont

He didnt even tell me he's going for attachment tomorrow.
Till i msg him this morning.
If not, i doubt by now i will know about this news.
What he treat me as?

HE : bsok abg dah attached g jepun 1 bulan lebih.
ME : Lame nye. Hmm.
HE : Aah. my flight pagi nanti. sure abg tk dpt msg, so just tc k?
ME : Asl abg tk ckp siang2?
HE : Tkpelah. Abg tknk bg nanie fkr2. U just enjoy ur work k?
ME : If i nvr msg u, u wont tell me kan? I know im not important to u.
HE : Thats not my point.
ME : I know you dont want me to worry.
But the more you hide this from me, the more u hurt me.
HE : Im sorry.

I dont know how life will goes without having to hear his voice,
or contact him. Why? Why all this happen?
Im not that strong to face all this alone.
You said you always be here for me.
But you leave me.
1 month plus seems awhile but to me its as though a year long waiting.
You said you dont want me to cry,
but you make me cry all the more.
You said you love me
but why did you keep things to yourself?
You said you would give me confidence
but why must u go when i need it now?
Awk! :'(

*I will wait for you no matter what.
I will pray hoping you have a safe journey.*

2009-03-01T21:44:00.002+08:00

Since the day before i met him till today,
I keep having this uneasy feeling inside.
I dont know why.
And what happen yesterday, even makes my life suffocated.
Yes. I feel that I cant hardly breathe.
Going into a relationship was a biggest mistake ever.
Or should I say loving someone was a biggest mistake?
Im not trying to say loving him was a mistake.
Cause i never feel regret for choosing him.
I love him because of one thing.
His religion. Yes. Religion.
And thats what makes me attracted to him and waited for him.
Right now, u made me have this feeling of losing that confidence.
I just time to be alone for this moment.
If you feel like contacting, then just let it be.
You're going to be busy with your work soon and I understand that.
We wont be able to see each other no more.
I know I have no control over anything.
Let fate decides everything.
I just pray hoping you will be alright.

2009-02-28T22:07:00.003+08:00

"Bukan semua itu yang ku harapkan darimu.
Hanya ketulusan cinta yang ku dambakan.
adakah itu semua silapku
Untuk melakukan ape saje yang kau inginkan."

Meeting my Ayid today.
After 1 month plus I never met him.
And this is actually my first time typing his name here in my blog.
All these while ive been keeping a low profile about us.
Its just so complicated.
Alhamdulillah, with god's willing, we met today.
And i had a great time with him
eventhough we only spent 3 hrs together.
With i-dont-know-what reason that he had to go off early,
makes me feel a little bit upset.

1) He said he wanted to accompany me to find the company's location
that im attached at for my ITP next monday but he didnt.
2) I fulfilled his wants but he didnt fulfill mine(Which is to sing me a song).
3) Supposingly we want to take picture together but in the end a big NO!

I wonder if he remembers all that.
I tried to tell him but i chose to keep it all inside.
I really feel upset at that moment.
He knows what i feel.
And yes. I did cry after we bid our goodbyes.
He even msg me,
"Nanie marah ehk? Sori. Bukan abg sengaje. Haiz. Ade prob besarlah."
but all i could say is "ok."

But soon i realised why must i feel that way towards him.

I know its my fault for not able to understand him.

Im really sorry sayang.

I love you! :'(

2009-02-24T13:00:00.002+08:00

Finally exams are over!
And sad to say i really hate this semester exam to the core!
And im still feeling frustrated over the 3 papers
that i took last week and today.
And today accounts paper was such a disaster!
I really did cry after the paper.
I just couldnt do it. My mind was blank.
But i just hope to pass all the module.
Well, accounts was my favourite subject during secondary times.
And i took business course in poly all because of accounts.
But in the end i just realised that i hate accounts!
Haiz. -.-
Im really tired right now.
I just slept for 2 hrs from 4.30-6.30am.

Anyway this saturday will be meeting my tasmania.
And right now i have to crack my brain planning where should we go.
Haiz. He asked me to plan.
He's so not the gentlemen right? Huh!
I seriously not the type that like to go out.
How i know where to go. Any suggestion anyone? Haha.

Alright. Thats all for now.
I wanna take a short nap. -.-

2009-02-15T15:02:00.002+08:00

I might not be blogging for the next few weeks.
Cause Im starting my exams soon.
Or perhaps should i say tomorrow??
And I have yet to start a single revision. How?
Today suppose to meet Pakcik A but last min he have to go work.
So I took this opportunity to study at home then.
If not, got scolded by him for not studying.
Even more worst!
Cause early in the morning he already ask me when's my exam
and tell me to study since I never go out today. Bluekx!

I just find him weird la this few days.
He's too "concern" towards me this few days.
And i find it totally weird.
I just pray, hoping that nothing will happen.

He : Nanie g keje rajin2 k syg?
: Nanie! When ur exam? Blaja rajin2 tau.
: Nk tgk u pakai tudung! (He said this alot of times since yesterday)
: Hope 1 day i will meet u with ur whole family.

See?! Maybe u dont feel anything wrong
but i feel it. I feel something's not right.
But im just not sure what is it and why. Hmm.
He always tell me he cough blood.
And that his lungs hurt most of the time.
I seriously worried about him. Haiz.
The incident on 22.12.08 when he fainted really made me worried
like what till i have to go out and took some fresh air,
dragging zaf into coming along with me.
See how worried i was. Hmm.

Insyaallah. Nothing happen.
When will I ever get to meet him?
I really miss him. :(

2009-02-12T12:31:00.002+08:00

Im not going to school today.
I had a headache this morning.
And i just plain lazy to drag my feet to school.
But now im alright after taking a long sleep.
Well, next week starting of exams already.
And Ive yet to start my revision.

Last tuesday I went to SGH Eye Centre for my eye checkup.
Guess what?
When i went there, it seems like Im the youngest.
Almost all the people there are very old people. Serious!
First I went for registration.
Then headed to room 16 to go for eye test.
And even wearing my specs i couldnt see anything on the screen.
(P/s: I knew my degree have increased. Shhh!)
Then need to go room 13 for consultation with a doctor.
And something funny happen.
Ok la. There already a chair outside each room so that
the nect patient can sit there for stand by la.
When my turn, i have to sit there alone facing
the i-dont-know-how-many-people-are-there.
So embarrassed seh. I was slouching when my dad disturbed me from far.
Asking me to sit up straight. Haha.
Then headed to room 27 to check my degree.
Then the nurse put eyedrop on my eyes
cause the doctor wants to examined my eyes again.
She says we will experience blurness for 4-6hours before it came back to normal.
Not even reaching 1 hour, i look left and right and everything seems blur already.
Then went in again in room 13.
Doctor prescribed me with eyedrops and gel
for my eyes and had to come back 3 mths from now.
I went to pay for the registration and consultation fee
while ibu n ayah take my medicine.
This part really makes me mad!
Know what? The nurse shout my name, "MDM SITI ROHANI!"
I was like "MDM?" Grrrr!

I stare at her.

Then the nurse look again on the paper.
And finally she say, "Ooops! Sorry. MS SITI ROHANI!"
I know la they already get used of calling mdm
since the patient there is all old people
and i know im the youngest one there. Duh?!
Haha. After that went for blood test and finally headed home. :)

Well, everyone seems to celebrate V-Day this saturday.

But as for me. Ive to work. Haha.

Good huh?! So jealous. Huh!

But nevermind. Im meeting Pakcik A this sunday.

Haha. Really miss him alot can?

Imagine, 2 mths being together and we met only once?

Weekdays he busy working.

Weekends im busy working.

How?

Nevertheless it makes our relationship grew much stronger.

Pakcik A just now merajuk seh.

Hee. Cause i disturbed him.

His eyes very small like girl2. Haha.

He : I da tukar lens tau!

Me : Da tukar then okla. Mata u da la kecik. Jalan nanti tk nmpk. Hee.

He : Kong ajar tol. i taulah mate i kecik. cam mate pompuan.

Me : Ala. Tkmo uh mare2. Maen2 je. Hee..

He : Yela2. Hmmph!

Me : Ala. Tkmo majok uh k. Mate kecik pon cute tau. Hee.

He : Yela. mate u kan besar. haha!

Wah. Kenekan org balik. Tkpo2. Makcik tau nk uat ape this sun.

Siap2 uh tu pakcik. Kene piat jugak telinga dia nanti. Haha.

2009-02-09T16:02:00.002+08:00

Can't wait to meet to my Tazmania this sunday.
Wee!
Ok Thats about it. :))

2009-01-30T21:15:00.002+08:00

Assalamualaikum.
Well, im quite busy with school stuff lately.
So no time for blogging and enjoying life at this moment.
Sorry Nad, Sha, Zaf and the rest that i have no time to
comtact all of you.
I dont know when will all this ended.
Next week got 2 test to study.
And a project submission.
The following got 2 exam and 1 presentation.
And the following 2 weeks already exam week.
And i guess the another is my so called rest-week.
And after that i have to go on an attachment for 1 month 2 weeks.
Oh i forgot.
I got posted into this Johnson Controls (s) Pte Ltd company.
Have to start work on 2 March to 18 April.
And im not sure whether saturday also have to work or not.
If not wahh drop-dead i tell you. Seriously tired la.
Imagine having to work office hour for 6 days and only get a 1 day rest?
I wonder how its going to be like. Hmm.
Lets wait and see.

Anyway between me and Mr A seems fine.
I still feel guilty for hurting Mr H.
And today the whole day he never msg me or giving me any comment.
Maybe thats a good sign or erm i dont know.
Hopefully he never do anything that makes his life more torturing.
I really didnt mean to hurt him.
Im really sorry.
Well, me and Mr A getting along fine.
We decided to be just a "close friends" uh.
To us loving each other doesnt mean we have to become a couple.
Right? Haha. So i guess its better this way.
We just keep a low profile uh.
I never knew we would be given another chance to be together.
Alhamdulillah. Thanks to Allah for letting us meet.
I dont care what other might say.
As long as he can lead me to the correct path thats all i wanted.
Hopefully I will be able to change to a new Nanie this year
with him guiding me through.
Insyaallah.

Thats all for now.
Update again when im free.
I seriously need to repair my laptop.
I need to change my specs.
If not that pakcik A will surely nagged at me.
Tk pasal2 aku kene hantar pat hougang nye chalet.
Haha. Hougang chalet?? Haha.
I know he know u dont know can already. :))

2009-01-28T09:34:00.002+08:00

So many things happening this few days.
And i know its my fault.
Ive hurt someone feelings.
Im really sorry.
From the first time i knew him,
i only treat him as a friend.
Not more than that.
I admit i do need him at times.
I do miss him at times. But just as a friend and not more than that.
But i never knew you would fall in love with me.
If last time you made me comfortable with you,
but right now, u made me feel scared.
I never knew you would do that to me.
I thought you understand and respect me.
But because you yearn for something that you really want
till you forget about what i feel.
If you think doing that shows your love towards me than i have to say
you are wrong my dear friend.
I nvr asked for all that.
We are living in two different world.
We totally have a different mindset.
I cant understand you and you will nvr understand me.
Im really sorry for hurting you.
Maybe yesterday will be the last meeting for both of us.
Please leave me and forget me.
I just pray that you will find your own happiness soon.
Please you are not a loser.
Im sorry. :(

Anyway me and him are together again.
Ill update more next time alright.
Got to get back to school stuff now. :)

2009-01-21T08:22:00.002+08:00

In a confusion state of mind right now.
Haiz.
I wish i never have to go through all this now.
Its so tiring having to keep thinking about unnecessary stuff.
But what to do.
Like he once said, the more we dont want to think about it,
the more our heart made us think.
So how? :(
We contact each other yesterday.
I dont know why.
Sometimes i just need him.
Somehow this little feeling says i just have to wait for him.
But what if history repeats itself again?
We have made alot of promises.
But noon has been fulfill yet.
And i dont know why, this heart is very certain
he's my fate.
Maybe not for now but hmm. Im just confused.
If only i know who my fate is, i wouldnt be so-confused right now.
Tell me then what should i do.

2009-01-08T20:37:00.002+08:00

Well, everything ends today.
There's no more 'him' in my life now.
I guess he's not my fate.
Aku redha dengan semua yang terjadi.
Insyaallah aku dapat menghadapi semua ini dengan hati
yang tabah.
Amin.

Well I never go to school today.
I have to babysit 2 ladies in my house.
My mum and my older sister. Haha.
But now I ended up getting their sickness.
How cool is that?
Well, I did asked for it. Weird eh.
I dont mind going through all this instead of them.
I cant bear to see my mum cried because of her headache just now.
Hopefully, they both get well soon.
My head seriously hurts. Non-stop.
And i know im going to fall sick any moment.
I think because i shed too many tears just now.
Nanie got to be strong ok! :)

Well, I have so much things to do.
Might not going to blog for this few days.
Oh ya. My throat getting bigger and bigger.
Why eh? :(

2009-01-04T23:16:00.004+08:00

Everything seems wrong.
And i seriously dont know what to do.
Just treat it like nothing's ever happen.
Will that solve everything?
Im tired. I seriously tired.
How much more tears must I shed over you?
Im not that strong lah.
Why must this heart be hurt again and again?
I hate having into relationship.
I just hate it.
If you think we cant worked things out.
If you think you cant meddle between relationship and work,
please! please leave me.
Im confused la.
I cant possibly asked for it.
Cause Im not that type of person.
I would rather you asked for it and break my heart
rather than me breaking your heart.
Astaghfirullah.

For the time being, i dont want to think about this.
If you think staying like this would be the best way,
then by all means.
I dont want to pick up a fight.
I dont want misunderstanding occurs between us.
I dont want sadness to fill our relationship.
I just want you to be happy.
Thats all.

My mum has been sick lately.
And I have to take care of her.
Im all stressed up with school stuff lately.
And my head hurts even more.
So I just dont want to think about all this unnecessary things
for the time being.
I feel that my condition becoming worst.
Let it be then.

2009-01-04T23:16:00.002+08:00

Im going crazy! Yes. C.R.A.Z.Y!
All because of him!
Astaghfirullah.
Ya Allah, Kau tenangkanlah hati hambaMu ini. Amin.

Meeting him for the very first time yesterday before going to work.
Woke up early morning to send Shasha to religious school.
Then headed to POSB at Bangkit to change my ATM Card.
Then meet him at Fajar LRT at 9.45am.
We headed to LOT1 for breakfast at LJS.
So much things to talk eh.
And guess what?
I think im so eager to meet him until I forgot to eat my medicine.
Not even bring them?!
Get negged by him of course!

'U nk kene tapak tangan ke tapak kaki?'
I just shook my head and smile.
Haha.
After that walked around before going to Arcade.
Soon its time for me to go.
We then took 190.
But alighted at Tanglin CC bus stop.
Haiz. Lesser time spending with each other.
But what to do.
We live so far yet still within Singapore la.
As usual. I will be very quiet when each time there's a so called 'separation'.
Cause im always scared.
Scared that I wouldnt be able to meet him again.
Who knows thats the last meeting for us?
No one knows accept Allah.
Allah Maha Mengetahui.

Well, right now, I just felt something's not right.
Why must i feel this way?
Why must negative thoughts started to linger on my mind?
Please go away. I dont need it.
Neither do i have the strength to get it out of my mind.
Can it just go away on its own?
I really need him. I really do.
But. Haiz. This makes me crazy. I hate it!
Astaghfirullah.

2009-01-02T18:58:00.002+08:00

I just cant wait for tomorrow.
Hopefully this time, dengan keizinan tuhan,
we will be meeting each other for the very first time.
Hehe. Well.
Most of you or should I say ALL of you might be wondering.
Who is the 'him' im referring to.
Oh. Thats a big secret ive been keeping to myself for the past few days.
Want to know? Ask me then. Alrights?

Anyway,
I wanted to apologise to Nad.
I really cant take off on the 10th.
Tried to talk to my supervisor but of no use.
I really feel so bad.
I really dont know what to do.
You planned so many things and
tried to make it a successful one
but i kind of spoiling it.
Im so sorry.
Haiz. How eh? :(

2008-12-29T15:56:00.002+08:00

School reopens today!
And just one word to describe that.
B.O.R.I.N.G!
Haha. I just feel the holiday like so fast ended.
Can I have some more days please? Or even weeks? Months?
Haha. Dream on!

Anyway, things getting better between us.
Just that at times i feel im making the wrong decision
but at times I just feel I need him.
Arrgghh.
Why must love exist?!!
I hate it! I hate it!

Ok bye!
I want to go home!

2008-12-22T23:06:00.003+08:00

Sad, Frightened, Happy.
These are what I felt today.

I appreciate everything that you have said.
Thanks for the assurance.
Thanks for all the confession that you have made.
Thanks for accepting.
Thanks for your caring and love.

Thanks for everything Mr.

Till now, I feel uneasy.

And I know you feel it too.

Should I be thankful that I have finally met someone like you?

But what if you're not my fate?

I made a promise to you i wont talk about 'taraf' between us anymore.

But I just couldnt.

Its about that and nothing else which makes it hard for me to accept you Mr.

But I can feel your sincerity.

Its all started when I took a nap just now while waiting for his msg.

I woke up with a bit of uneasiness.

Im scared. I scared of losing him.

And i just dont know why.

And hearing that he fainted, even makes me like a useless person.

Cause i just dont know what to do.

But Alhamdulillah. He conscious.

He knows what I feel without me telling him.

Please take care of your health Mr.

And to your mum too.

I just hope nothing goes wrong.

Ya Allah, Kau lindungilah mereka, Ya Allah.

*Im still worried about you.* :(

2008-12-21T20:21:00.002+08:00

Im so sad.
So so sad right now.
I was doing some research about foods that rich in iodine.
And guess what?
Im banned from eating
PEANUTS!
SARDINE!
PRAWN!
EGGS! (Memang aku tk suke pon! :D)
TUNA!
MILK!
dan sewaktu dengannya lah
Want to know check sendiri uh!
Haha.

So sorry for the so called exaggerating-post-above.
Haha.
Well. I feel like wanting to share something here.
I just feel like running away right now.
Run away to a far place so that no one able to find me.
You are a responsible and kind-hearted soul Mr.
And I have to say im not the right person for you.
You said you know what you are saying.
But I myself also know what im saying too.
I dont mind being friends with you.
I dont mind learning new things from you everyday.
I dont mind laughing and joking around with you.
I dont mind having you as a person who can teach me religious stuff.
But we just cant be more than a friend.
I dont deny Im grateful to Allah swt to make me meet someone like you.
So i hope you dont put high hopes on our friendship alright. :)

And im still confused whether I wanna go on the 31st or not.
Haha. Going? No? Yes? Dont know?
Let see about that aites.
Wait for the day to come.
Bye! :D

2008-12-17T15:19:00.002+08:00

Its been quite some time since i last blog yea.
Haha. Not just busy but comes lazy-ness too.
Nothing eh to blog about. Haha.

Having my 3 weeks holiday but busy working.
And today i off.
And I intend to just stay at home.
But my dear cuzzie, Nazri, mimpi ape entah
till he wants me to accompany him go Bukit Panjang Plaza.
Haiz. Im just lazy to go out.
Im having flu right now thanks to that Mr H.
Haha. I feel freaking cold this few days.
I dont know why.
And my health seriously becoming worst.
I had breathing difficulty nowadays.
Anyway, im a good girl now ok.
I never forget to take my medicine ok?! :D

Now, almost every night,
Mr Hotdog has been entertaining me with his lame jokes again.
Haha. Thanks eh Mr.
I dont need you to entertain me almost every night.
Cause I understand your situation right now.

Ive been stressed this few days.
I haven done my tutorials.
I still thinking which company to choose for my attachment.
I haven done my OSH exam.
Im still thinking whether i should go on the 31st or not.

Cause....................

Nanie got a DATE on 31st!!
OMG! OMG!
I dont know??????!!!!!!!!

2008-11-24T22:24:00.002+08:00

I feel something's not right this few days.
I had difficuly in breathing.
And my chest will feel hurt at any point of time.
And im continuosly having that come-and-go headache
I feel so weak and tired easily
especially when i had to climb that
so called "hill" every morning to school.
And im telling you, its very very IRRITATING!
I guess im too stress.
Haiz. And im having appointment
with doctor at cck polyclinic on this fri.
Im dread of eating 6 tablets of medicine every morning. -.-
(I do skip that for quite a number of days. Ssshhh.)

Anyway, yesterday outing was a great one.
The fact that its raining heavily never stop us
from continuing to celebrate lyana's birthday party. =)
And again im alone.
Haha. Its good to be in this way.
Especially when my freinds have their own partner
and you are there watching them teasing one another happily,
feeding each other with food, laughing with each other.
There's only one ting I could say.
Im just happy seeing them happy.
And how i wish........................ :')
Well, we dont need to be that way to show our true love.
But just by trusting and able to accept the other party
for whom he/she is, already show more than enough
how much that person means to you.
Right nad? =)
Yes. I never deny that im envy them.
And yes. I did cry too. (Lucky no one saw it. Lols!)
Dont know for what reason.
Ok. Lets end this. Forget this.
Lazy to share anymore further.
Haha. Im fine. Im always fine.
Right?! =)

2008-11-15T22:53:00.002+08:00

Im addicted to korean drama!
Especially this drama - I'm Sorry I Love You.
Its really a sad story.
So must watch ok?!
Well this is one of the song.
Hear it!

sorry, i love u - korean drama song

Im sorry I love you - Korean Drama

Korean Lyric

Onu-sae ki-ro-jin ku-rim-ja-rul tta-ra-so
Ttag-gom-i-jin o-tumsogul kudae-wa kotgu inneyo
Sonul machujapgo ku-onjae-kkajirado
Hamkke-in-nun gol manuro
Nunmuri nanungolyo

Parami chara-wochinun mankum
Kyowurun kag-ga-wo oneyo
Chogumsshik i-gori guwiru
Kudae-rul ponae-yahaet-don kyejori uneyo

Chigum orhae-yi chonnung-golchul parapabo
Hamkke innu-nisungane
Nae-modungol dangshingge jugoshipo
Iron gasume kudae-ranayo
Yakhagiman han naega ani-eyo
Irohke gudael sarang-hanun-dae
Kujo nae-mami i-rolppunin-gojyo

Ku-dae-gyo-chi-ramyon
tto oddoni-ri-radu
halsu-i-ssul-komman gata / kuron gipumi tuneyo
unuri jinago ddo-onjegga-jirado
uri sarang-yong-won-hagil
Gido hanu-i-ssoyo

Parami naye chang-ul hun-dulgo
Odu-un pammajo kkae-umyon
Kudae apun giolmachodo
Nae-ga da chiwochulkkeyo
Hwanhan ku misoro

Kkutobshi nae-rinun sae-hayan nunggut-dulro
Uri koddon i koriga
Onu-sae pyonhan gotdo morununche
Hwanhan bichuro mulduro-kayo
Nugungal wihyae nan sara-gan-nayo
Mu-woshidul da hae-chugo shipun
Irol-ke sa-rangin-jul pwae-wossoyo

Hung-shi gudae-in-nun gododin-ji arat-damyon
Kyo-ulpam pyori dwae gu-dael bicho-ssul-tende
Utdon naldo nun-mure jochodon sulpun bamedo
Onjena gu onjena
Gyote issol-kkeyo

Chigum orhae-yi chonnung-golchul parapomyon
Hamkke innu-nisun-gane
Nae-modungol dangshinke chugoshipo
Iron gasume kudae-ranayo
Ul-ji-marayo
narul parapwayo
gucho gudaeye gyoteso
hamkke itgo shipun mam ppunirago
tashin kudael nohchi anhulkkeyo

kkutobshi nae-rimyo uril kamssa-on
korigadulkhan nunkotsokeso
kudaewa naegasume chogumsshik
jakun chu-o-gul kurineyo
yongwanhi naegyote kudae issoyo

English Lyric

Somehow our shadows grow longer
As I'm walking with you in the twilight
Holding hands, this eternity
Just being together brings tears to my eyes

When the wind is coldWinter is coming closer.
Little by little on this path
The season when I'll have to leave you is coming

Now as I look up at the first snow of the year
In this moment together
I want to give you everything
And hold you in my arms

I am not just a weak person
I love you like this
That is the only thing in my heart

When I'm with you, whatever may happen
It seems like I'll be able to do it
You give me that feeling
Today passes, and on into eternity
I pray that our love will last forever

The wind rattles my windows
When I awaken in the dark night
And I'll erase all your painful memories
Through this smile

The white snowflakes fall endlessly
On this path as we walk
Not knowing if someday it'll change
We go on through the changing colors of light

I lived for someone
I wanted to do something - everything - for them
I learnt that is what love is

If maybe I'd known where you were
I would've been the star on a winter night
Shining my light on you
On the happy days,
And on the sad nights wet with tears
Always, always beside you

Now as I look up at the first snow of the year
In this moment together
I want to give you everything
And hold you in my arms

Don't cry, look at me
Still beside you
All my heart wants is to be with you
I won't let you go again

Endlessly falling around us
On this path full of snowflakes
Little by little in your heart and mine
Our tiny memories become full
You are forever beside me

2008-11-14T10:06:00.001+08:00

How silly can I be crying over inconsiderate people?
Hmm.
Ive been feeling down this few days.
But i dont know what exactly that disctract my mind.
Whats's happening to me?
Can i cry? :(
I just wish to be alone for now.

2008-11-07T15:12:00.002+08:00

Im in school business library right now.
Having 4 hours of break from 12noon just now
cause having economic lecture at 4-5pm.
Really2 bored.
Bringing all the tutorials for next week but
end up not doing a single tutorial.
Seriously no mood right now.
So here I am blogging.

Yesterday was a stress day for me.
I dont know why.
For the past few days Ive been revising economics
for last wed test.
And Ive yet to do a single thing for my FMA tutorial which was yesterday.
During tutorial, I find it so hard for me to catch up with the lesson.
Cause I have not yet reading through the notes after lecture.
So i dont really know what the chapter is all about.
Even during break yesterday i never eat.
No appetite. Serious!
I guess i really need a break from all this.
Go out alone to get some fresh air.
When I came back home,
suddenly have the mood to study.
So 6 hrs spent on reading up all the notes and do tutorials for next week.
Feel so relieved!
Sorry Nad and Sal for not able to meet you both yesterday.
I was too stressed-up with all this.
Hmm.

*I keep having this weird feelings.
When I sleep, I always dream of you.
When I see you, my heart keeps pumping.
When you stand near me, I feel so uneasy.
When you never look at me, I feel so sad
When you wave at me, I feel so happy.
When I never see you for a day, I started to miss you.
Whats the meaning of all this?
I dont want history to repeat itself again.
I dont want to have this kind of feelings anymore.
Please go away.
I dont want to be hurt again.
Please Please. Im begging you. :'( *

2008-11-04T18:53:00.002+08:00

I dont know why.
I began to have wild thinking about him.
When I wanted to forget everything,
he came into my life again.
Everything seems weird. Awkward.
But still I accept it.
We can be like before.
And seriously, since that day, everyhing has fade away.
Including that indescribable "feeling".
Finally.
Cant deny I miss the old days but what to do.
Everythings change now.
Why does he makes me keep having negative thoughts about him?
Is it true he's just using me?
Am i too soft-hearted towards people?
But what have I done wrong to deserve all this?
Haiz. I want to know the truth.

"Ya Allah, Kau tunjukkanlah jalan kebenaran bagi masalah yang sulit ini."

Well, went to my workplace after school just now
to collect my pay cheque.
Weee. Like finally. Im B.R.O.K.E!
My colleague had never seen me wearing tudung before.
And they were shocked to see me.
They even thought im customer. Lols.
Then came Paru.
She also give me that shocked-face?!
Paru : Hey Rohani, where u from?
Me : From school. Haha.
Paru : You look different eh. Why you wear tudung on off on off?
Me : Like duhh. As if they allowed us to wear tudung here.
Angie : You look so matured when you wear tudung.
But when you go work uh so sexy. Haha.
Me : Where got sexy.
(Usually wear pants and t-shirt with my cardigan. Is that called 'sexy'?)
Paru : Please uh. Dont say that word in my presence. I know Im the sexiest among you all.
And we all broke into laughter. Haha.

Anyway, Im really2 tired.

Have yet to fully revised on Economics

which the exam is like tomorrow?!

And here I am blogging?!

Haha. Seriously no mood for revision.

Whenever I read the notes, there goes my half dead eyes -.-

Just hope everything's going to be alright for tomorrow.

All the best to Nanie!

To Aizuddin, Taufiq, Shi Yun, Morgan, Ade, Wini, Shu juan,

all the best for economics tomorrow. =)

Not forgetting all the unknowns that have to take this economics

______(fill in the blank) again! Haha.

Lastly, Nad, sorry never call you yesterday night.

I'll call you if Im free alright.

Going to be busy this few days.

If you need me, just contact me alright.

Insyaallah, I'll be there for you when you need me. ;)

*So sorry Mr that im unable to help you this time round :(*

2008-10-31T11:41:00.002+08:00

Im at home rght now.
Must be wondering why Im not in school?
Haha.
I went to school just now for WSD which start at 10am.
Waited and waited for Ms Tan
Lin Qi spotted this notice at the wall near the class door.
Guess what it says?
"Notification of Class Cancellation for class DBIT 2B14"
??????!!!!!!!
Wasting my train fares only.
Haha. I just top up $10 before goingto school.
And now left with $6 inside??!!
Haha.
And some more another lecture starts at 4pm.
Which means I got another 6 more hrs before the lecture starts?!
So I decided to go home. Haha.
So thats the whole story about.
Lols.

Anyway, lets share what happen for this week.

Monday waspublic holiday due to Deepavali Day.
I thought of spending my time with my family.
Cause it's been a long time since we last go out together.
But too bad I had o work 12-9.30pm at ISETAN!
My aunt also working there but she working morning shift.
And she said she would drop by at my place during her lunch break.
I waited and waited.
Really2 the 'MENDAK' (BORING)!
I stand there staring at-dont-know-what.
Face like sardine already cause seriously not many customer.
And when i turn to my right, I saw my aunt and my cousin.
Long time never see him.
Haha.
My aunt was like asking, "Why your face like that?"
I replied, "Lazy to work. Boring uh. Nothing to do and no customer."
She said, "Only 2 hours you've been standing here and your face was like
I-want-to-sleep that kind of face. Haha."
What to do. Hmm.
So thats about it for monday.

Tuesday, having 4 hours of break.
We sat at FC5 but went to FC3 to tapau food.
Me, Thahira and Yi Lin bought Mee Siam.
And as usual my all time favourite juice, "Papaya+Honeydew" juice.
Lols. Its nice. Try it. Confirm SEDAP!! Haha.
Anyway on the way to school I saw NAD!
Haha. Long time never see her since the raya outing.
And seriously Ive been dreaming of her in my sleep.
I guess i really miss her alot. Haha. =)
The go home with her too since she released from school early.
Had a long chat with her about whats happening lately.
And I guess i feel much more better letting all out. =)
So yah. Thats for tuesday.

Wednesday.
Im having my Statistics SPSS CA3 on that day.
And we suppose to bring our own laptop for that CA.
But as you all know, my laptop like half-dead already.
Lols. And I had no money to send i for repair.
I had no choice but to borrow from Aizuddin since he dont mind
about borrowing it to me.
After our lecture at 1pm I met him for awhile to take his laptop.
And had no choice but to give him back the next day.
Cause I finish my test at 4.30 but he' having driving practical.
Some more Im working from 5.30-9.30.
So had no time to give it back. Kind of rushing.
The CA was like dont-know-what-to-say.
Just pray hard to pass. Haha.
So yah. Thats about it.

Thursday, suppose to have GEMS at 8am but i never go.
My dad sent me to school.
We leave house at 7.25am.
Never thought that its going to have bad traffic jam.
Suppose to meet Aizuddin at dover mrt to pass him his laptop.
Guess what time I reach? 8.30am!!
Sorry uh Aiz, to make you wait. Haha.
He can even say "Its ok. Take your time." Haha.
He told me that he come school at 8am.
But his lesson actually starts at 9am. No wonder he can wait.
Came early in the morning just to meet his members. Lols.
Meet him at T17.
Pass him his laptop and told him Im not going for GEMS.
So he ask me to go for breakfast.
So off we went to FC4 for our breakfast.
Guess what?
All this while I was wondering,
usually when I buy kaya bun, i never buy set but just the bun instead.
Somehow I lways saw people bought kaya bun set,
and there's alwys this blue mug covered with plate on top.
I only see hot water inside and was wondering,
"whats up with hot water inside that big mug?"
I ask him. And that only when I got to know inside gt egg.
Left it for 7 mins so that the egg half-boiled la. Haiz.
Nanie Nanie! Laugh at her! Haha.
After that he went for lesson and I sat alone at FC6 to do my economics tutorial.
Also working from 5.30 to 9.30.
Its really tiring! Seriously!
So yah. Thats all the happen. Lols.

Well, I guess have to stop here.
Gonna follow my mum send Nana and Shasha to school.
Bye. =)

2008-10-28T21:08:00.002+08:00

Assalamualaikum. =)
Well, today i'm very2 happy.
I dont know why.
Maybe because this past few days ive learned alot of new things?
Yea can be said.

Ive began to realise that my life still have a long way to go.
And whatever happens, all this is a test from HIM.
"Allah tidak akan memberi cobaan melebihi kemampuan hamba-Nya sendiri"
Every meetings have its ending.
And what ive gone through might not be that worst as compared to others.
True?
For i should accept everything with a patient of heart.
Well, what happen recently have made me realised a lot of things.

I was alone at canteen, waiting for my next lecture at 4pm on friday.
I keep everything to myself.
I just couldn't let it all out.
I cried, remembering the past memories.
I just lose a friend the previous day.
Until I saw this one guy.
He only had a leg to depend on.
He seems happy.
I sat there, watch him and said to myself,
"He's happy eventhough he's not as fortunate as I am.
But why must I cry and almost give up on life over losing a friend?"
He's always my motivator and advisor.
And because of his wide thinking that its a great pleasure knowing him.
But maybe we're fated to meet only for awhile.
But still I have to thank God for giving me the chance to meet this person.

"Hati boleh bersedih, Mata boleh menangis.
Tetapi mulut hanya boleh mengucapkan kata-kata yang di redhai oleh Allah SWT"

"Whenever we are in doubt over what decision to make, pray for revelation"

I guess the best way to solve this matter is to just end it somehow.
I just hope that I wont be regret over the decision that Ive made.
Let fate and time decides everything.
Sesungguhnya aku redha dengan jalan hidupku.
Kerana setiap apa yang terjadi, ada hikmahnya. =)

I feel so calm now. Hee.
Anyway, this friend of mine, I suddenly admire him.
Admire him in terms of his responsibility and innitiative.
Thoughtful to people around him.
He actually made this article on musollah
to remind one's obligations: PRAYER.
And intend to place it at our school of business, musollah area.
Well, Ive learnt alot from his article.
But i could not post it here cause it should be kept down low. ;)

"Firstly, to be interested is to find out why you doing all this, why pray and all.
Later, insyallah, you will see the beauty of the perfect religion."

Wassalam.

2008-10-27T09:56:00.002+08:00

ARGGHH! IM MAKING THE WRONG DECISION AGAIN!
Nvm. Lazy to share! No need to know.

Anyway, yesterday me and sec friends
going raya outing together.
I know2 its kind of late already.
But errmm. Raya haven finish yet ok.
Like erm, few more days left??!! Haha.
Together, there's 8 of us.
Me, Sharona, Zafirah, Suhairy, Asyraff, Fareez, Herry, Nazirul.
Well, its fun though there's not many of us.
The guys make the whole outing fun n kecoh!
Haha.
We seems like close friends though
during sec times we din even talk much to each other.
Well, i had a great time yesterday.

Later im working!
Lazy la. I wanna go out and have some fun.
Playing bowling? Cycling?
Argghh! I wanna go, I wanna go!
Lols. Ok stop it.
Thats all for now.
I've decided to change back to my old URL then.
But maybe not too soon yea! ;)
Toodoles.

2008-10-23T20:43:00.002+08:00

Today marks the end of our friendship.
I guess I cant continue on this friendship.
Thats the end.
Dont ask me why cause i dont feel like sharing.

2 hrs of feeling uneasiness
2 hrs of controlling my tears
1 hr of waiting for "them"
10 mins of talking

All I can say,
*WHEN THE TRUST I HAVE IN YOU IS GONE,
THATS WHEN I CANT ACCEPT YOUR PRESENCE ANYMORE.
SO PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE.
CAUSE IT REALLY HURTS ME DEEPLY.*

Goodbye to You!